Series 03: Marie Rose Martin nee Livesey letters, 26 December 1911-22 November 1922 - Page 62
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[Page 62]
of the laying down of my very existence: - but where not the actual sum of life to guide me I would but steer the matrimonial barque away sooner or later.
Maybe you'll say, not being "heartwhole" it was wicked of me to act as I did - that was one of the thoughts that troubled me through the long night, laddie. Well, perhaps it was wicked. I have no excuse to offer save that I am a lonely woman fully awake to my sex; but the desire uppermost in my mind was to make the day a wholly happy one for you. Oh, but I know it was vile of me! Can you forgive me, Harry?
Cousin, you must not let me interfere with your life. It grieves me so to think of causing you the least of pain. Oh! if only I could promise that which you ask. But it is impossible! Let us be close, tender, loving hearted comrades you and I, but do not, dear laddie, do not let me interfere with your future to any serious degree. Surely we can be true pals - and you'll encourage me to hope that someday I'll come out to your country to find you settled & happy?
I dont want to hurt you - I dont - I dont! Oh, Harry, Harry, what more than what I've already said can I say to you now? What? oh, what can I say?...... But enough.