Volume 64: Emily Macarthur [Mrs. James Macarthur] correspondence and other papers, 1838-1879: No. 368
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[continued from page 367]
with my prayers, - All things, O Lord, are naked open before thee.
Yet, O Lord, I have presumed to act as if thine eye had not been upon me, or as if thou wouldst not call me in for judgement for every secret thing. I know that, in the days that are past, thou has punished me for my transgressions, - for thou hast [covered?] my spirit with [fears?] when I went astray; &, even in that wherein I sinned, thou hast signified thy displeasure, by causing me to reap sorrow instead of joy.
I also know, O Lord, that, in the solemn declarations of thy word, thou thou hast revealed thy wrath against all [Indecipherable] & ungodliness of man, - & I have often vowed, when suffering for my transgressions that henceforth I would do no more.
And, O Lord God, how fearful is the thought, that I, who have voluntarily called myself by the name of Christ, & I have taken, before all thy people, the vow which bound me to they services, should have so far dishonoured my Christian vocation. If thou hadst been quick to punish sin, I had not now, O Lord, been lifting up my prayer in thy presence, - but thou mightest have cut me off in my sin, & assigned me my position with those who are lost to hope.
Blessed be thy name that those hast still preserved me from this awful fate, - that I am yet in the land of the living, & in the place of hope, - that I still hear the invitations of thy blessed word, & listen to the gracious promise, that when the wicked man turneth away from his wickedness, & doeth that which is lawful & right, he shall save his soul alive.
O deny me not thy grace; cast me not away