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[Page 70]
Then he adds with regret, that for HASTINGS's sake
He is sorry for BURKE's having made the mistake :
But he's sure 'twas an error, a mere oversight,
And that BURKE will be thankful for setting him right.
And yet, now and then, PLUMER seemingly wonders
At finding so many unfortunate blunders;
That among the vast numbers which he has descry'd,
Not one's to be found of the prisoner's side.
But, this notwithstanding, he'll never believe
'Twas EDMUND's design to mislead or deceive.
Indeed, my dear SIMON, 'tis seldom you find
A LAWYER who judges so well of mankind.
This much by the audience was well understood,
That PLUMER's own heart is exceedingly good,
And they wish'd his example were follow'd by all
The learned Professors of Westminster Hall.
On the whole, PLUMER prov'd the Impeachment was built
Upon Virtue - by EDMUND transmuted to Guilt.
You remember the Story related of old,
That MIDAS's Finger turn'd all things to Gold ;
Direct the reverse is the ORATOR's Tongue,
Converting whatever it touches to dung.
You ask, as 'tis HASTINGS's turn to defend,
If the LADIES, as usual, the TRIAL attend?
I answer, the IMPEACHMENT no longer is new,
The LADIES are scarce, and the LORDS are but few :
The former appear just to show off their BEAUTY,
But the latter attend as a matter of duty.
No doubt but the LORDS would be there to a man,
As they formerly were, when the TRIAL began,
Were it not that they look upon BURKE's Accusation,
As a felo de se - needing no REFUTATION.
[date added] World March 5. 1792.
For the WORLD.
[date added] May 15 1792.
A LETTER from SHONNY APREES, in Town, to his Friend SIMON, in WALES.
IF of late, my dear SIMON, I've made no report
Of the doings and sayings in WESTMINSTER COURT,
'Tis because they have chiefly confin'd their proceedings
To dry legal comments, and document readings ;
And indeed there is seldom much fun to be had,
Unless something makes the Chief MANAGER mad :
You cannot conceive how the audience were pleas'd,
When EDMUND by DALLAS was wickedly teaz'd :
This Counsel has been (notwithstanding so young),
Long fam'd for possessing the gift of the Tongue -
And yet, tho' the bank of no Lawyer affords
A greater abundance of classical words -
Tho' no man of speech is less sparing than he,
He's a niggard to BURKE in uncommon degree ;
For, whenever the MANAGER wants to grow wiser,
And a question propounds to this close-mouthed Miser,
Instead of a copia verborum, or flow,
He gets but the short monosyllable No.
If he asks for what purpose he papers produces?
DALLAS answers, "the papers will tell their own uses."
He slips no occasion of giving dry wipes-
And whilst BURKE is hemming, and clearing his pipes,
In order, with int'rest, to pay back the satire,
The Lawyer has half open'd some other matter :
And thus he has often the MANAGER flung,
Who gnashes his teeth whilst he bridles his tongue.
Now it happen'd that DALLAS proceeding this way
Had permitted the Hero so little to say,
That he rose up to speak against needless delay :
And a speech he deliver'd near three quarters long,
To prove that delay in IMPEACHMENTS were wrong-
And thus, by against his own conduct inveighing,
Has found a new mode of the TRIAL delaying.
In the course of proceedings some letters appear'd
Of which, till that moment, BURKE never had heard -
From his ignorance then, he an inference drew,
That what they contain'd was not possibly true -
And though the hand-writing was clearly made out,
There remain'd in his bosom a very strong doubt -
And then to the WITNESS this question he stated,
"Can you swear it was written this day it was dated?'
When EDMUND had try'd, without any effect,
To prevail on their LORDSHIPS this proof to reject,
He said that these LETTERS produc'd by these Bagmen:
Recall'd to his mem'ry the rolls of the Ragmen:
DALLAS answer'd him shortly, "that Epithet base,
"Was a substitute sorry in Argument' s place."
Then the COUNSEL directed the Clerk to proceed,
Who some AFFIDAVIT was going to read,
When EDMUND objected, declaring such stuff
Could not be admitted as competent proof.
'Twould be curious indeed, the learn'd Counsel reply'd,
If this AFFIDAVIT were now set aside:
That EDMUND and JOE had made many quotations
Therefrom, in support of their own allegations -
That the very same proof must in reason and sense,
Be competent both in attack and defence:
Then a motion was made, that the COURT should with-draw,
To debate on this delicate question of law -
And EDMUND was told, when their LORDSHIPS came back,
They might use in defence what was use in attack;
From this resolution, he well understood,
That his own proofs had done him more mischief than good:
Then he feelingly said -"as to this Affidavit -
"I quoted, 'tis true, but no credit I gave it."
I know, my dear SIMON, your innocent heart
Will maledict BURKE for this double-fac'd part -
Your good-natur'd friends will detest him the same,
And even Aunt BRIDGET cry out "Fye for shame !"
But, alas ! we all know that these slight variations
Are nought to his manifold tergiversations.
This BURKE is an author, the bulk of whose Libels
Would take up more space than a hundred Church Bibles;
Who thirty years long has the COMMONS accus'd,
As men who their trust have betray'd and abus'd -
Not the PEERS of this REALM, not the FATHERS in GOD,
Not the MINISTER's self has escap'd from his rod -
Not even the virtue of HARRY DUNDAS,
Without EDMUND's censure was suffer'd to pass
This, Man, who has labour'd for thirty long years
To vilify .MAJESTY, COMMONS, and PEERS,
Now tells us - The COMMONS and PEERS of this Nation
Ar the best of all men, and want no Reformation,
And that one hundredth-part is full representation.
Tho' in this or in that he has no true believers,
They all look on B--- as the Prince of Deceivers;
And I've heard many men in their opinion advance,
If he ever spoke Truth, it escap'd him by chance.
At the time when the CHIEF was in high indignation,
Major OSBURNE was call'd up for examination;
Whose evidence pointedly tended to show
That CHYTE was in secret the COMPANY's foe:
That, in order to aid an expected INVASION,
He assembled an army, to wait the occasion
When HASTINGS's Counsel with OSBURNE had done,
A game at Cross QUESTIONS that moment begun -
He was ask'd a great deal about runaway SAUL,
And of CHYTE having sent to him PETER for PAUL: -
Q. Was there any complaints against you, as Commander?
A. There might have been some persons guilty of slander
Q. Are you certain that that was the SUBADAR's head?
A. As I knew it when living - I knew it when dead.
Q. Did ADJET SING ever complain to the Court?
A. Of my beating his ARMY, and taking his FORT.
Q. Did ASSOPH UL DOWLAH your service decline?
A. He never told me he objected to mine.
Q. Do you know that that Army belong'd to CHYTE SING?
A. My HIRCARRAHS to me did intelligence bring.
Q. Can you say to what number his horse did amount?
A. Had we met, I perhaps might have giv'n an account.
When a question BURKE put, with intent to ensnare -
OSBURNE look'd in his face, where 'twas written BE-WARE!
In this game of Cross Questions, I needs must confess,
OSBURNE imitates PHILLIDOR's playing at CHESS.
Would BURKE with his hop-skipping KNIGHT circumvent -
OSBURNE pushes a pawn, his next step to prevent:
BURKE brings out his BISHOPS, whose motion oblique
Are on NOVICES apt unexpected to strike;
Not even a pawn OSBURNE leaves in the lurch,
But always steers clear af these SONS of the CHURCH;
BURKE attacks in the rear, as he often is wont -
OSBURNE wheels on the center and changes his front.
In this manner did EDMUND and OSBURNE go on,
Till one of the NOBLES got sick of the fun -
He could not conceive what this elegant sport
Had to do with the business now pending in Court.