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[Page 63]
Such wickedness how can this Nation forgive,
Or suffer this wretch any longer to live?
He should slowly pass thro' the gradations and stages
Of mis'ry, protracted for ages and ages;
His mind should be tortur'd with dread of conviction,
And of sentence, the most ignominious infliction.
Pursue him I will to the very last breath,
Nor shall any thing save the fell MONSTER, but death.
Just here, EDMUND seem'd in a fit of despair,
He threw up his hands and was thumping the air;
His horrors, his gestures extravagant, broke
The chain of my sleep, and I therefore awoke.
SHENKIN.
SHENKIN in TOWN, to his COUSIN SIMKIN spending the HOLIDAYS with his FRIENDS in WALES.
To make my dear SIMKIN some little amends
For the pains he has taken in pleasing his friends;
And, in turn, to amuse him, I mean to relate
Some ANECDOTES strange, in a recent Debate:
You must know, I attended the WESTMINSTER FORUM,
The Audience was great - and the Question before 'em
For discussion, was - Does an IMPEACHMENT inherit
The properties herent in matter or spirit?
There was EDMUND, your friend, who from Ireland has got
A Doctor's degree; but a Doctor of what,
Whether Law or Divinity, I have forgot:
He said, what IMPEACHMENTS resembled the most,
In quality, was a damn'd troublesome Ghost;
Which, tho' some assassin, might knock out the brains,
And leave not a spoonful of blood in the veins;
Tho' the body lie cover'd in ocean profound,
Or bury'd an hundred feet under the ground,
Could rise up, and act without organs and tools,
And revengefully push people off of their stools.
Just so, when the body which first gave it birth
Is dissolv'd, and dispers'd o'er the face of the earth,
IMPEACHMENT in primitive Vigour revives,
And surpasses a CAT in the number of lives;
Tho' suspended awhile by the stoppage of breath,
IMPEACHMENT can't perish a Victim to Death;
And a number of proofs he was ready to bring,
To shew that IMPEACHMENT'S a Spiritual Thing.
A LAWYER, who sat on the opposite side,
The DOCTOR oppos'd, and his Doctrine deny'd,
And examples adduced, of IMPEACHMENTS that dy'd:
But the DOCTOR, his ground predetermin'd to keep,
Said, IMPEACHMENTS can't die, but may slumber and sleep.
Then a GENTLEMAN said, an IMPEACHMENT of late,
Of Matter had little, but much of Debate;
It has nothing material, except Smoak and Vapour,
To darken the mind and contaminate Paper;
'Twas a something insipid, like negative merit,
So he held, that it wanted both Matter and Spirit.
The the DOCTOR, who once made Nobility Dancers,
And who wishes to render them now Necromancers,
Declar'd to us all, in a tone magisterial,
That IMPEACHMENT'S so spiritual, and so material,
That the parts which compose its true essence are such,
That two HOUSES can give it new life by a touch;
And that 'twas as clear as truth possibly can be,
That IMPEACHMENT revived in the case of Lord DANBY.
Here a LAWYER, of deep erudition, reply'd,
The self same IMPEACHMENT soon afterwards dy'd.
Then the DOCTOR rejoin'd, See how LAWYER'S mistake it,
'Twas not dead, but the Commoners chose not to wake it:
In the Bible you've read of the miracle done
By ELISHA, in raising the SHUNAMITE'S son,
How the SEERS by a sacred inflation of breath,
Woke the child from a sleep, that was next kin to death;
Just so if the Commons, expanding their Lungs,
Would breathe as I bid, with affirmative Tongues,
The IMPEACHMENT of HASTINGS would quickly revive,
And all the proceedings will flourish and thrive.
Then a Member, (who though of the legal profession,
If it came from his brother, would combat oppression),
In a way that offended my Gentleman, said,
The IMPEACHMENT was not so good living as dead;
And that all its Articles taken together,
From the wing of a Sparrow should not pluck a feather.
Then he begg'd the COMMITTEE some time would allot,
To find out if IMPEACHMENT be mortal or not:
Then the DOCTOR, whose feelings are not quite so tender
As her's to whom SAUL paid a visit at [Ender?]
Who resembling the latter, his person to save,
Would summon his Grandmother back from her grave,
Began of his skill Necromantic to boast,
And said, of IMPEACHMENT he'd call up the Ghost!
That whether IMPEACHMENT be dead or asleep,
He could call up the body or soul from the deep.
You have seen in your Taffyland mountainous walks,
In soaring aloft, the contention of Hawks;
Just so at the FORUM the DOCTOR I saw,
Attempt to outfly the first man of the law;
But knowing he could not out-soar in the Pathos,
He alter'd his course, and set out for the Bathos.
'Twas a fact, and he said he had notic'd it oft,
That LAWYERS were birds fond of flying aloft,
And that, in their flight, 'twas their custom to rest,
And let fall their filth in another bird's nest.
Then he told, why a Mistress's progeny thrives
Much better than children begotten on Wives;
Some reasons he gave, but so very obscene,
That I durst not repeat, so you'll guess what I mean.
You must know, that the DOCTOR'S indelicate wit,
Rais'd a laugh in the Gallery, Boxes, and Pit!
And he constru'd this loud universal applause,
Into victory over the LAWYERS and LAWS:
Then he said, that he could not as yet understand,
Why the LAWYERS had form'd themselves into a band,
To bind his IMPEACHMENT in shackles of death,
And prevent it from ever more drawing its breath.
Then he liken'd himself to the Giant GOLIAH,
And the LAWYER, to him who cornuted URIAH,
Who entered the field with intention to bring
His enemy down, with a pebble and sling:
At length the new DOCTOR this inference draws,
We ought to be rul'd, not by LAWYERS but LAWS,
And to render their government certain and sure,
He himself would explain, when their sense was obscure.
The DEBATE lasted long; but to sum up the whole,
BURKE'S IMPEACHMENT was held to resemble a soul;
That its essence phlogistic was purely ætherial,
And its substance was found to be quite immaterial;
That never possessing original matter,
There existed no parts for disjunction to scatter,
And that this position is certainly right,
That cannot dissever which cannot unite;
And that Ens of existence you cannot deprive,
Which never had substance, and yet was alive.
But to finish my first Metaphysical Letter,
I am, my Dear SIMKIN, your FRIEND and your DEETOR.
SHENKIN.
An excellent BALLAD for the CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS,
entitled
The TRIAL, or the New CHEVY CHACE.
PART I.
GOD prosper long our noble KING,
The LORDS ad COMMONS all,
A tedious Trial once there did
In WESTMINSTER befall.
To chastise INDIA'S rich NABOBS
Hot EDMUND took his way;
They've long beards now, that were unborn
The outset of that day.
This wordy Warrior, EDMUND BURKE,
A vow to GOD did make,
"On ev'ry INDIAN'S Character
"His malice fell to wreak;
"And that on INDIA'S boasted CHIEF
"His fiercest Wrath should fall."
The tidings to Great HASTINGS came
Before he left Bengal;
Who said, "His Life to scrutinize
"He dar'd his deadliest Foe."
Then EDMUND BURKE, all full of rage,
Did to the COMMONS go;
With many a Friend and Spokesman bold,
All Men of chosen lungs,
Who knew full well in Party strife
To wag their venom'd tongues.