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[Page 10]
[handwritten] 1785 Morning Herald 25 July
A nose so long - a back fo strait,
A Chairman's mien, – Chairman's gait?
Why wasted ink to make Orations,
Design'd to teach unlift'ning nations!
Why have I view'd th' ideal Clock,*
Or mourn'd the visionary hour,
Griev'd to behold with well-bred shock,
The fancy'd pointer, verge to four ?
Then with a bow, proceed to beg,
A general pardon on my leg, —
" Lament that to an hour so late,"
" 'Twas mine to urge the grave debate,"
" Or mourn the rest, untimely broken!"
All this to say, all this to do,
In form so native, neat, and new,
— In speech intended to be spoken ! —
But fruitless all, for neither here or there
My Leg has yet obtain'd me Place, or Fair!
IV.
Pompeys there are of every shape and size;
Some are the great y' clep'd, and some the little ;
Some with their deeds, that fill the wond'ring skies,
And some on Ladies' laps, that eat their victual!
'Tis Morris' boast, tis Morris' pride,
To be to both allied, –
That of all the various Pompeys, he
Forms one complete epitome;
Prepar'd alike fieree faction's host to fight,
Or thankful, stoop, official crumbs to bite —
No equal to himself on earth to own,
Or watch, with anxious eye, a Treasury-bone
As Rome's fam'd Chief, imperious, stiff, and proud,
Fawning as curs, when supplicating food, —
In him their several virtues all reside,
The peerless Puppy, and of Peers the pride.
V
Say, Critic Buffo, will not powers like these,
E'en thy refin'd fastidious judgment please !
A common Butt to all mankind,
'Tis my hard lot to be ;
O let me then some justice find,
And give the BUTT to me ! —
Then, dearest D'EL,
Thy praise I'll tell,
And with unprofitured pen,
In Warton's pure and modest strain,
Unwarp'd by Hope, unmov'd by Gain,
I'll call thee "best of Husbands," and "most chaste of men!"
Then from my pristine labors I'll relax
Then will I lay the Tree unto the ## Ax !
Of all my former grief,
Resign the bus'ness of the anxious chace,
Here find a snug relief ! —
The vain pursuit of female game give o'er,
And, Hound of Fortune, scour the town no more !
* An allusion is here made to a speech published by the noble Lord, which, as the title-page imports, was intended to have been spoken; in which his Lordship, towards the conclusion, gravely remarks - "having, Sir, for long encroached upon the patience of the House, and observing by the clock that the hour has become so excessively late, nothing remains for me, but to return my sincere thanks to you, Sir, and the other gentlemen of this house, for the particular civility, and extreme attention, with which I have been heard: - the interesting nature of the occasion, has betrayed me into a much greater length than I had any idea originally of running into; and if the casual warmth of the moment, has led me into the the least personal indelicacy towards any man alive, I am ready to beg pardon of him and this house, Sir, for having so done.
# When Lord Mountmorris went down into the country, some years ago, to pay his addresses to a lady of large fortune, whose name we forbear to mention, his Lordship took his abode in a small public house in the neighbourhood of her residence, and employed his time in making all proper enquiries, and prudent observations upon the nature, extent and value of her property: -he was seen measuring the trees with his eye, and was last found in the act of boring for marle; when being roughly interrogated by one of the Lady's servants, to avoid chastisement he concealed his name, and delivered his amorous credentials. The amour terminated, as ten thousand others of the noble Lord's have done.
## This line is literally transcribed from a speech of Lord Mountmorris's, when Candidate some years ago for the representation of the city of Westminstrer.
[Column 2]
PROBATIONARY ODES 25 July
It is with infinite regret that we have to inform our readers, that the poetical Olympic, which has been so long held on the subject of his Laureatship, is now put final period to, and that by an authority which denes resistance, and imposes silence upon criticism. Our official correspondent sends us the following account of the circumstance:
Last Sunday fe'nnight, being the 17th of the present month, Anno Domini, 1785, ju as his M__ __ was ascending the stairs of his gallery to attend Divine Worship at Windsor, e was surprised by the appearance of a little thick, squat, red faced man, who in a very odd dress, and kneeling upon one knee, presented a piece of paper for the Royal acceptance. His M __ __ amazed at the sight of such a figure in such a place, had already given order to one of the attendant beef eaters to dismiss him from his presence, when by a certain hasty spasmodic mumbling, together with two or three prompt quotations from Virgil, the person was discovered to be no other than the Rev. Mr. Thomas Wharton himself, dressed in the official vesture of his professorship, and the paper which he held in his hand being nothing else but a fair written petition, designed for the inspection of his M__ __. Our Gracious S____ made up for the seeming rudeness of the first reception by a hearty embrace on recognition; and the contents of the petition being forthwith examined, were found to be pretty nearly as follows:-
We omit the common place compliments generally introduced in the exordia of these application, as "relies upon your Majesty's well known clemency; "convinced of your Roval regard for the real interest of your subjects," "penetrated with the fullest conviction of your wisdom and justice," &c. &c. which, though undoubtedly very true, when considered as addressed to George the Third, might perhaps, as matters of mere form, be applied to a Sovereign, who neither had proved wisdom nor regard for his subjects in one act of of his reign, and proceed to the [indecipherable combatable ] and matter of the complaint itself. It sets forth, "That the Petitioner, Mr Thomas, had been many years a maker of Poetry, as his friend Mr Sadler, [indecipherable paltry] cook of Oxford, and some other [indecipherable] witnesses could we l evince ; that many of his works of fancy, and more particularly the one which is known by the name of his Criticisms from Milton, had been well received by the learned; that thus encouraged, he had entered the list, together with many other great and respectable candidates, for the honour of a succession to the vacant Laureatship ; that a decided return had been made in his favour by the officers best calculated to judge, namely, the Right Hon. the Earl of S. and the learned Signior Delpini, his Lordship's worthy coadjutor ; that the Signor's delicacy, unhappily for the Petitioner, like that of Mr. corbett, in the instance of the Westminster election, had inclined him to the grant of a SCRUTINY ; that in consequence of the vexatious and pertinacious perseverance on the part of several gentlemen in this illegal and oppressive measure, the Petitioner had been severely injured in his spirits, his comforts, and his interest : That he had been for many years engaged in a most laborious and expensive undertaking, in which he had been honoured with the most liberal communications from all the Universities in Europe, to wit, a splendid and most correct edition of the Poemata Minora, of the immortal Mr Stephen Duck ; that he was also under positive articles of literary partnership with his brother, the learned and well-known Dr. Joseph, to supply two pages per day in his new work, now in the press entitled his Essay on the life and writings of MR. THOMAS HICKATHRIFT ; in both of which great undertakings, the progress had been most essentially interrupted by the great anxiety and distress of mind, under which the Petitioner has for some time laboured
* An allusion is here made to a speech published by the noble Lord, which, as the title-page imports, was intended to have been spoke; in which his Lordship, towards the conclusion, gravely remarks. - "having, Sir, so long encroached upon the patience of the House, and observing by the clock that the hour has become so excessively late, nothing remains for me, as to return my sincere thanks to you, Sir, and the other gentlemen of this house, for the particular civility, and extreme attention, with which I have been heard : - the interesting nature of the occasion has betrayed me into a much greater length than I had any idea originally of running into ; and if the casual warmth of the moment, has led me into the least personal indelicacy towards any man alive, I am very ready to beg pardon of him and this house, sir, for having so done."
+ An allusion is here made to a speech published by the nable Lord, which, as the title-page imports, was intended to have been spoke; in which his Lordship, towards the conclusion, gravely remarks. - "having, Sir, so long encroached upon the patience of the House, and observing by the clock that the hour has become so excessively late, nothing remains for me, as to return my sincere thanks to you, Sir, and the other gentlemen of this house, for the particular civility, and extreme attention, with which I have been heard : - the interesting nature of the occasion has betrayed me into a much greater length than I had any idea originally of running into ; and if the casual warmth of the moment, has led me into the least personal indelicacy towards any man alive, I am very ready to beg pardon of him and this house, sir, for having so done."When Lord Mountmorris went down into the country, some years ago, to pay his addresses to a lady of large fortune, whose name we forbear to mention, is Lordship took up his abode for several days in a small public house in the neighbourhood of her residenc+e, and employed his time in making all proper enquiries, and prudent observations upon the nature, ex ent, and value of her property : - he was seen measuring the trees with his eye, and was at last found in the act of boring for marle ; when being roughly interrogated by one of the Lady's servants, to avoid chastisement he confessed his name, and delivered his amorous credentials. The amour terminated, as ten thousand others of the noble Lord's have done.
++ This line is literally transcribed from a speech of Lord Mountmorris's, when Candidate some years ago for the representation of the city of Westmister.