Primary tabs
Transcription
[Page 31]
That whoever took money, the same must produce,
And give it all up to the COMPANY's use.
This Clause by the Pris'ner was so understood,
As to let him take bribes for the Company's good.
Impress'd with this notion, it seems that his coffers
At all times were open to liberal offers."
Here EDMUND with infinite humour describes
A new Court of EXCHEQUER for taking in Bribes,
Where FRAUD the high office of Treasurer took,
And OBLIVION kept the Remembrancer's Book;
EXTORTION asess'd the respective Amounts,
And CONFUSION, the Auditor, pass'd the Accounts,
His Agents were vile Banyans and Gentoos:
A species, indeed, of black Brokers and Jews.
Now EDMUND casts up all the several sums,
By Unites, Tens, Hundreds, by Thousands and Plums.
The Prisoner, my Lords, has been put to his shifts,
With respect to concealing these Presents and Gifts;
Of FORGERY I would accuse him with pleasure,
Were I sure that the COMMONS would sanction the mea-sure:
But they are so scrupulous, nice, and exact,
That they want to confine me to MATTER of FACT-
But I trust, I shall not be, as formerly treated,
If I only assert that the Criminal CHEATED;
Gave in false Accounts, and his Letters misdated.
His Accounts and his Letters were form'd to beguile,
His Accounts are Pindaric in matter and stile;
His Letters are Oxymel, (nasty) of Squills,
They are Purges, Emetics, and Boxes of Pills.
These Letters were highly offensive indeed,
For EDMUND himself was unable to read;
So TAYLOR, whose stomach is not soon affected,
Read over these Letters, as EDMUND directed.
The Orator now Virgin-modesty shocks,
By imputing to HASTINGS the Tail of a Fox;
Then the Company turns to a LION rapacious,
And HASTINGS a Jackall of stomach voracious.
In this way he proceeded, comparing and railing,
'Till at length he perceiv'd that his spirits were failing;
Then he begg'd that the Lords would appoint him a day,
To hear something more it behov'd him to say.
Indeed, my dear Brother, we have to lament
The restriction on BURKE as a cruel event;
For though he is equally keen on accusing,
He is not, as formerly, half so amusing.
I heard many Ladies the MINISTER blame,
Who is jealous, 'tis said, of the Orator's fame:
They think it is strange and absurd, that a Youth
Should fall so in love with the Goddess of Truth;
They say it is an odd, unaccountable Passion,
Unknown to fine Speakers of Merit and Fashion.
But I take it, the principal cause of their dread,
Is danger, if such an example should spread;
If the Beauties of Speech Men are taught to condemn,
Deception may soon be disrelished in them.
But now, my Dear Brother, this Letter I end,
As remarks of this kind might the LADIES offend;
And perchance I might get myself into the clutches
Of a Woman of Wit - and that Woman - a DUTCHESS.
LETTER from SIMON in WALES, to his BROTHER SIMKIN in TOWN.
World May 14 1789
THE Letters, dear SIM. you obligingly write us,
Never fail to instruct, to amuse and delight us;
But though we've no cause to arraign your neglect,
We have reason to think you not always correct.
We do not complain of your making additions,
Of perverting the sense, but of sundry omissions.
Mr. LLILLY LLANSTUFFIN, who often frequents
ST. STEPHEN'S, is here for his Michaelmas Rents:
And yesterday, sitting at Table with him,
A Servant announced an Epistle from SIM.
He had heard of your Name, and said he should be proud,
If I did him the favour to read it aloud.
So I read it all over as well as I could;
He thank'd me, and said "that your Verses were good;
But that many things pass'd at that very Debate,
Which he wonder'd that you should forget to relate."
A Narrative Mr. LLANSTUFFIN began,
Which I'll versify now as exact as I can.
He said, that CHARLES FOX display'd infinite cunning
In perplexing the business; whose shifting and shunning
He compar'd to a Cock that fights wheeling and running.
He said, one might travel a seven days' journey,
Before one might find such a fogging Attorney:
One moment a MANAGER'S Rights he maintain'd,
That his character sacred could not be arraign'd:
The next, he with subtlety strove to revoke
The words which the ORATOR granted, HE SPOKE:
And what EDMUND himself was so free to confess,
FOX doubted, and question'd it never-the-less.
The Writers might well be suspected of leaning,
Or of taking the words, and omitting their meaning.
Besides, 'twere a shame to refer to a Note,
Which a Man, not a MEMBER of PARLIAMENT, wrote.
And the Members who heard their CHIEF MANAGER seak,
Were either asleep, or their memories weak;
And as to confession, 'twas highly unfit,
Advantage to draw from what BURKE might admit.
Now CHARLEY contends that it only belong'd
To the Lords, to redress any man that is wrong'd;
Then he hints, that should censure excite his disgust,
It might drive him, perhaps, to relinquish his trust.
'Tis observable, this tautological Speaker
Is louder as much as his argument's weaker:
By bawling and noise, he creates a diversion,
To cover the fallacy of his assertion:
By experience he knows, he can always engage
Attention, by seeming to be in a rage.
He often affects such a puffing and blowing,
That his words, for a time, are prevented from flowing.
The Senators now, from long habit and fashion,
Own his right, by prescription, to be in a passion.
Here LLILLY digress'd, and the characters drew,
Of all the Rhetorical Speakers he knew.
He said, it was vain and absurd to expect
The Papers could give us their speeches correct:
And since I preferr'd Mr. LLILLY LLANSTUFFIN
To YOU, Brother SIM. or a Partizan's puffing,
As he spoke, in short hand MEMORANDUMS I took,
Which I've enter'd at large in my red cover'd Book;
And if till next Winter in leisure I live,
Their characters all to the public I'll give:
For indeed I must own, though I do it with shame,
I envy your praise, and poetical fame.
As Mr. LLANSTUFFIN these characters drew,
He said something of EDMUND, which if it be true,
I'm surpris'd that it was not related by you.
The critical part, which it seems you forgot,
Was EDMUND'S Reply to the CHARGES of SCOTT;
Who declar'd that the former was fully acquainted,
At the time he that picture so horrible painted,
(At which female tenderness water'd and fainted.)
That to HASTINGS no blame could be justly imputed,
And that since, the whole calumny had been refuted.
To this EDMUND answer'd, Altho' I agree,
I have but One Witness to weigh against THREE,
What signifies that, when I prudently chose,
To give credit to this, and to disbelieve THOSE?
I stated as much as my purposes FITTED;
The rest I deem'd false, and 'twas therefore omitted.
This method of acting may possibly do,
As a subject of animadversion for you:
You may say with a laugh, that this mode of proceeding
Is owing to BURKE'S Jesuitical breeding;
That Orators, when they engage in disputes,
Mention only as much as their purposes suits.
But you know, that the innocent Natives of WALES
Are extremely averse from the garbling of tales;
And we think that this BURKE, whom you seem to admire,
Is not half so good as a Taffy-land Squire:
And rather than I would such company keep,
I would live on the HILLS with the GROUSE and the SHEEP.
But though I have given free scope to my Pen,
Don't let it prevent you from writing again.
'Tis true, that myself and some others have noted,
To the interest of BURKE you are much to devoted.
And it has been suspected you are in his pay,
In Verse to record all he chuses to say.
But this, Brother SIMKIN, I know is untrue.
We are no PARTIZANS, so I bid you Adieu!
SIMKIN.
World May 20. 1789
Who, while this wonderful Writer continues, would not almost wish the TRIAL to last for ever? He, alone, has saved it from being tiresome; and the MANAGERS have not less than us, to thank him for coming so opportunely to their aid.
SIMKIN to his Dear BROTHER in WALES.
ALAS! my Dear BROTHER, ill omens portend,
That our long Correspondence draws near to its end:
I conjure all my friends, not to construe th' effect
Of misconduct in PITT, into SIMKIN'S neglect.
Oh! may that STATESMAN ever hated to be
By all the Muses in the same degree,
Curs'd by APOLLO, as by BURKE and ME!