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[Page 36]
But the CHANCELLOR, tir'd of their pleasant digressions
Set forth, as I thought, some unfriendly expressions.
Lord THURLOW is very precise and exact,
And relishes nothing but matter of fact;
To EQUITY bred, and incur'd from his youth
To elaborate investigation of Truth;
He thinks oratorical flights and allusions,
In criminal cases, improper intrusions.
He says, that no charges are fit to be quoted,
Except those alone which the COMMONERS voted:
That the MANAGERS should not be suffer'd to stray,
But prove and establish whatever they say.
Notwithstanding, dear BROTHER, this rigid decree
Is destructive at once to my HERO and ME;
Notwithstanding, its consequence I may deplore,
The CHANCELLOR'S CHARACTER all Men adore!
'Twas HE who of late, on a trying occasion,
Was proof against threats, and the arts of persuasion;
Who his MAKER invok'd, if HE ever forsook
His sick Master, or blotted his name from his book!
When BURKE, in his phrenzy, announc'd to the World,
"That the king, by Omnipotence smitten, was hurl'd
"From his Throne!" HE stood forth in that critical hour,
To secure to his KING the resumption of POWER;
Like CATO, in Virtue, inflexibly strong,
No Passion can urge him to THAT which is wrong.
This day, tho' the reason I cannot yet find,
BURKE, like Insignificence, rested behind;
And FOX, as I understand, went to some Race,
Leaving well-belov'd JOSEPH to act in his place;
Who, if GREY and ANSTRUTHER were forc'd to give back,
Like a Corps de reserve, might renew the attack.
FAREWELL, my dear SIMON! and Deo volente,
Another Epistle shall quickly be sent you.
SIMKIN.
World June 17. 1789
One advantage resulting from a good name, is to have all the names that are not good abusing it. This charming Writer has such fortune,- and, like the current coin of the kingdom, he has got COUNTERFEITS. All WE can say to the Public is, BEWARE!
SIMKIN to his Dear Brother SIMON in Wales.
PREPARING last Wednesday to visit the HALL,
My maiden Aunt BRIDGET, just gave me a call;
You know she was frighted away from the Bar,
By the story BURKE told about PRINCE CANTEMAR.
I could never prevail on my delicate Aunt
''Till Wednesday, to think of repeating her jaunt:
And I firmly believe she wou'd not have gone then,
If I had not assur'd her that modest young men
Like GREY, and some others, who being beginners,
Wou'd not talk so loosely as harden'd old Sinners.
So when the time fix'd by Adjournment drew nigh,
Away went together, Aunt BRIDGET and I;
It chanc'd that the LORDS long engag'd in Debate,
This day did not make their appearance till late.
We sat in the GALLERY more than an hour,
Whilst my Aunt grew exceedingly peevish and sour;
She abus'd without mercy, delays of the law,
And in gen'ral found fault with whatever she saw:
She was not, however, averse to allowing
That their LORDSHIPS were highly improv'd in their BOWING;
This could not, she thought, be imputed to chance,
But that EDMUND, turn'd Master, had learn'd them to dance.
And if BRIDGET, this Summer, shou'd come down to Wales,
You'll not be surpris'd, if, among other Tales,
You hear her in Company boldly advancing
That EDMUND has open'd a College for Dancing.
Now the LORDS are assembled, and BURKE begins boring
The COURT with some Papers collected by GORING;
And the COUNSEL, as usual, repeat their objections
To receiving as Evidence, GORING's Collections:
Here EDMUND insisting, their LORDSHIPS withdraw
To communicate Questions to Men of the Law:
They return, and the Answer comes out as expected,
And GORING'S Collection is also REJECTED.
Now querulous EDMUND proceeds to remark,
That Himself and the MANAGERS were in the dark:
I have suffer'd no method, no mode to escape,
I have try'd, and will try it in ev'ry shape;
It may be, that your LORDSHIPS are not well contented,
With the manner in which our Address is presented.
If we part in punctilio, or etiquette,
The MANAGERS right, it behoves you to set.-
Now BURKE, like a fly, that has tasted of honey,
Returns in great haste to his favourite MUNNY:
With vehemence urges, 'tis vastly absurd
To question or doubt of Her HIGHNESS'S word;
That where Ladies of rank cannot decently swear,
We ought to believe what they choose to declare;
And he mention'd some Dames of such delicate pride,
Who swore before men, and in consequence dy'd.
He said, that in INDIA, great men had a pleasure
In making fine Ladies deposits of Treasure;
That the principal part of their riches were kept
By those Ladies with whom they most frequently slept:
You'll remember, perhaps, that when HASTINGS asserted
That custom-by EDMUND 'twas much controverted;
This, however, is nothing - for BURKE when he tries,
With equal facility proves and denies.
Now EDMUND impassion'd, persists in declaring
His indifference as to her Ladyship's swearing;
That as long as life lasted, he never would fail
To stick to the Lady, and stand by her tale.
To proceed - BURKE declares that the Managers mean
To keep their own Consciences easy and clean;
We offer good proof - if your LORDSHIPS reject it
All the sin is your own, and I'd have you expect it.
'Tis owing to you, and 'twill ne'er be forgotten,
That the firmament pillars is perish'd and rotten.
At these words, my Aunt's visage discover'd her fears,
Lest the firmament, tumbling, shou'd fall on her ears.
But EDMUND, involv'd in a mist of dark vapours
At this universal rejection of Papers,
Conceiv'd in his mind a most intricate plot,
To make out his proof from the conduct of SCOTT:
Establishing firmly a new Orthodoxy,
That a Man may confess HIMSELF guilty by Proxy;
And, indeed, I must own, 'tis an excellent way
Of making the Agent his MASTER betray.
This fail'd - and by way of retrieving his loss,
BURKE adverts to the sayings of RAJAH GOURDOSS;
But this, like the rest, by the COUNSEL disputed,
Is repell'd as unworthy of being refuted.
Then EDMUND, to beat legal arguments down,
Made curious remarks on a COUNSELLOR'S gown;
Whence I learnt that as Scarlet makes OFFICERS brave,
A COUNSELLOR'S gown makes a Counsellor grave:
And I think from their making their Perukes so big,
Legal knowledge is chiefly deriv'd from the wig;
For very wise people are free to confess,
Human character chiefly depends upon dress.
Just here, 'twas discover'd, that EDMUND the arch,
Upon HASTINGS'S troops had been stealing a march;
But as rather too soon his intention was found,
The vigilant foe drove him back to his ground.
You must know, near the close of this tedious Debate,
Where my HERO so frequently suffer'd defeat,
The term of "Preposterous" EDMUND apply'd
In a way to the LORDS as affected their pride-
But whilst they consulted, and talk'd of adjourning,
My HERO bethought him of twisting and turning:
He loudly demanded their LORDSHIPS wou'd stay
Just to hear him adroitly explain it away;
He said, what he deem'd a preposterous part,
Was putting the Cart-horses after the Cart.
And as BURKE seem'd to speak with some marks of sub-mission,
Their LORDSHIPS accepted of this definition;
Concluding, perhaps, that he best could define
The true meaning of sayings so much in his line.
I observ'd in one part of my HERO'S Oration,
He was suddenly struck with profound veneration
For the COMPANY'S Books-and I heard with surprize,
That the COMPANY'S Records can never tell lies:
And where he could get nothing fairer or better,
He could even put up with a sketch for a letter.
'Twas remarkable towards the close of debate,
There was scarcely a Manager seen in his seat.
Some reasons induc'd all the CHIEFS to withdraw,
And they left BURKE to fight DALLAS, PLOMER and LAW:
So when HECTOR compell'd all the Grecians to yield,
Old NESTOR alone stood disputing the field.
At length, BURKE with pleading was deeply opprest,
So he beg'd to adjourn, that his Tongue might have rest.
But as I'm in the humour of scribbling away,
I'll now give a sketch of what pass'd the next day.
You must know, that BURKE wanted to see the In-struction
From HASTINGS to SCOTT, so he mov'd its production: