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[Page 59]
Then he afterwards said, he was not greatly smitten
With any thing HASTINGS'S party had written;
That their works were deficient in beauty and wit,
But such as they were, 'twas expedient and fit
That the HOUSE in their punishment should not be sparing,
Especially this, so flagitious and daring.
In the course of his ravings, I could not but see,
How often the HERO reflected on me;
Since turn'd out of office, I very well know,
He has looked upon me as a dangerous foe:
His conscience must whisper, 'tis shockingly hard,
For SIMKIN to serve without fee or reward;
To attend at the HALL when his HONOR impeaches,
And turn into Verse all his long-winded Speeches.
But now an idea has enter'd my head,
On hearing the KING'S Poet Laureat is dead,
That His MAJESTY might, to reward that devotion,
Which BURKE has neglected, confer this promotion;
And when I have sung of His MAJESTY satis,
I would sing of Great EDMUND and Company gratis.
For the WORLD.
SIMKIN to SIMON.
[in margin] World June 9 1790.
THE day, my DEAR BROTHER, is happily come,
Which was long since appointed for CHARLEY to sum:
Thus the HERO began-" All your LORDSHIPS must see,
"That a different task is allotted to me:
"Your LORDSHIPS must think me presumptious and bold,
"Should I liken myself to that SPEAKER of old,
"Who said, that whate'er he thought proper to mention,
"Never fail'd of exciting the JUDGES' attention:
"If the JUDGES who heard him were honest and good,
"He was sure he could make himself well understood.
"Thus CICERO spoke, but your LORDSHIPS well know,
"That with ME and my Colleagues the case is not so;
"We are not afraid of your LORDSHIPS' decision;
"Do but hear, and we ask for no other provision.
"I know very well that your LORDSHIPS are just,
"But your patience is gone, as it must certainly must.
"My LORDS, 'tis a great disadvantage to follow
"In summing, those favourite Sons of APOLLO,
"Who sung of great RAJAHS, and NABOBS opprest
"Of PRINCESSES plundered, and NATIVES distrest:
"How mean is the office that falls to my lot,
"To develope the wealth which the CRIMINAL got.
"Lord CLIVE, 'tis recorded, once solemnly swore,
"He had MONEY enough, and would never take more:
"A similar oath, I shall make it appear,
"Were made by VERELST, and by Mr. CARTIER;
"And, therefore, 'tis probable HASTINGS did take it;
"And, supposing he did, 'twas improper to break it:
"But, My LORDS, WE, the MANAGERS, care not a jot,
"Whether HASTINGS did really take it or not.
"If he never did take it, he certainly ought
"To have done it, and therefore committed a fault:
"But supposing that HASTINGS shou'd say he did take it;
"Why then, we shall prove, he did frequently break it.
"So, my LORDS, let him offer whatever he will
"By way of defence, WE shall prove it was ill."
Here CHARLEY adverted again to the story,
Which I have presented so often before ye;
I mean NUNCOMAR, who, as CHARLEY contends,
Was hung on a gibbet by HASTINGS'S friends.
"My LORDS, I aver, as BURKE formerly did,
"Notwithstanding my MASTERS, the COMMONS, forbid,
"And tho' I may hereafter be censur'd and chid,
"That this NUNCOMAR on a gallows was hung,
"In order to silence his garrulous tongue."
Then CHARLEY digress'd, and a liberty took
Of stating a CRIME that was not in the book.
He said that one CROFTES, in a certain account,
Had made a mistake to enormous amount,
And instead of his being from office ejected,
With wrath and disdain, as might well be expected,
He a PARDON obtain'd, and the fault was corrected.
When BURKE drew the Charge, he forgot at the time
To make this forgiveness a substantive crime:
Here a subtle distinction the ORATOR drew-
A distinction to me which was perfectly new;
From which I discover the wit of the times
Have made adjective Charges, and substantive Crimes.
The latter, it seems, can stand firmly alone,
But the former are weak, and may soon be o'erthrown.
This incident trifling, I thought fit to mention,
In honor of CHARLES'S distinctive invention.
'Twere needless, DEAR SIMON, for me to go through
Those parts of his SPEECH which contain'd nothing new;
For, altho' he shew'd vast oratical pow'rs,
That is, he harangu'd us for more than five hours;
'Twas agreed, by all parties, he said little more
Than BURKE and PLUMBOSO had told us before.
And, indeed, he confess'd, he was merely appointed
To collect in a focus, what they had disjointed.
Howe'er, in the course of his florid Oration,
He spoke of an excellent Administration;
Whose praise his own modesty forc'd him to spare,
Because he himself had the principal share.
Then he put us in mind of his old INDIA BILL,
Whose remembrance he fosters and cherishes still;
Which, though 'twas rejected, he was not asham'd
To call the best BILL which had ever been fram'd.
Once, all of a sudden, on some strange suggestion,
He turn'd round, and ask'd for the sharp goading question;
I heard, and my spirit prophetic foreboded
That HASTINGS would soon be confoundedly goaded.
At times he endeavour'd to carry conviction,
By shewing in HASTINGS a flat contradiction;
And that HASTINGS and LARKENS, in many respects,
Were guilty of errors, as well as neglects.
But whilst he was speaking, I made this remark,
That his tongue often stumbled, like one in the dark;
And had not a PROMPTER been station'd behind,
To jog him, and tap him, and put him in mind,
We had had little else but tongue-lapsis and blunders,
Convey'd in shrill squeaks and in loud rolling thunders.
The HALL, I observ'd, was exceedingly full,
But the LADIES appear'd disappointed and dull.
And as CHARLEY could give no amusement or sport,
By Duos, and Trios, they stole out of COURT.
When he saw that but few of the LADES were left,
He fear'd that the LORDS were of patience bereft;
And perhaps recollected that whilst he was toiling
In JUSTICE'S service his dinner was spoiling.
He therefore consented to end for that day-
The LORDS appear'd glad, and went bowing away.
SIMKIN to SIMON.
[in margin] World June 14. 1790.
YOU will find, my Dear BROTHER, on reading this Letter,
That the second day's summing was shorter and better:
On the latter we heard WARREN HASTINGS accus'd
Of having a PRESENT (when offer'd) refus'd:
His Accuser contended, in language sublime,
That refusing a Gift was, in HASTINGS, a Crime,
Unless he had told the NABOB what he did,
Was, because taking GIFTS was expressly forbid.
"But, My LORDS, all those fears which the PRIS'NER express'd,
"Lest the NABOB should be, by refusal, distress'd,
"Serve only to shew his long habit and use,
"To take all the NATIVES can ever produce."
Next he talk'd of one JOHNSON, whom HASTINGS had try'd
For detention of Assets, which JOHNSON deny'd:
That though HASTINGS had harbour'd strong doubts in his breast,
That JOHNSON, in private, the money possest,
Yet having no positive proof of the act,
He acquitted the person accus'd of the fact:
CHARLES said-"My opinion is, therefore, decided,
"That HASTINGS and JOHNSON the Money divided;
"Two parts we have prov'd, both of tendency bad,
"The BRIBE he refus'd, and the BRIBE which he had."
Then CHARLEY went on with a string of suggestions,
And making shrew'd Answers to self-propos'd Questions,
And hop'd that the LORDS will to memory bring
The names of CROFTES, ANDERSON, and GOVIND SING;
The latter of whom had been charg'd with a crime,
And, therefore, from Office dismiss'd for a time;
But the CHARGE never being prov'd clear to the BOARD,
He again was employ'd, and to Office restor'd:
But CHARLEY says - "Being dismist from a station,
"On suspicion, amounts to disqualification.
The looks of both parties, which happen'd to hear
This doctrine, discover'd their joy and their fear;
With opposite feelings their minds were empassion'd,
At hearing a doctrine so strange and new-fashion'd:
Awhile it created a general confusion,
But, at length, all concurr'd in the self-same conclusion-