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[Page 40]
(The trial of one WARREN HASTINGS, I mean,
Said to come back from INDIA with hands not too clean.)
Yet the out-line is all I conceive to be true;
It's fantastical shades, I attribute to you.
I applaud both your parts and your courage, dear COUSIN,
Thus to stand by a man, when attack'd by a DOZEN.
But surely you write for PILL'RY or STOCKS,
When you handle such names as BURKE, ADAM, and FOX;
And venture erecting your batt'ry, point blank,
At Chiefs of such high SENATORIAL rank.
Our choicest, best Patriots, you shrink not to paint
Like DEVILS combin'd to demolish a SAINT;
And their Leader for SATAN'S own picture might sit,
If he had but LESS malice and ten times MORE wit.
Last year, when you told us the ORATOR took
That beastly quotation from CANTEMAR'S book,
I concluded your fancy, like high-mettled horse,
Had jostled your judgement clean out of the course:
For a brute, ill-condition'd enough to make sport
On such a grave cause in so solemn a Court,
With grossest obscenities tainting the ears
Of LADIES, and JUDGES, and BISHOPS, and PEERS,
Must deserve from all human abodes to be hurl'd,
Scoff'd, hustl'd, hiss'd, thump'd, and kick'd out of the WORLD.
This story I therefore conclude is a creature
Merely hatch'd in your brain to embellish your metre.
All your letters of late are fill'd with fresh crosses
Attending this Antediluvian Process:
How often the MANAGERS play the stale game
Of dismissing the AUDIENCE as wise as it came;
While their LORDSHIPS come in - then go out - then come in,
Like Puppits, ere PUNCH is prepar'd to begin.
From BURKE the sublime, to ANSTRUTHER and GREY,
You give ev'ry one a smart lash in your way,
That they'd readily palm any papers they found
For evidence legal, substantial, and sound;
And protest in a huff, if a doubt cross their words,
As if any trash might suffice for the LORDS.
'Tis but lately you broach'd, with mischievous intention,
A scandalous tale of your own vile invention,
That your HERO, of loose and incontinent tongue,
Had been snubb'd by the COMMONS for language too strong.
If a MANAGER thus should be snubb'd by the HOUSE,
His word is no more worth "three skips of a louse;"
And I ne'er can believe that such infatuation
Could seize all the wisest, best heads in the nation,
As to listen with pleasure, or listen at all
To what a snubb'd MANAGER says in the HALL.
In short, my dear SIMKIN, I can but admit,
Your letters most choice, both in metre and wit.
But beware, lest that sad inclination to lye,
Bring you living to Jail, and to HELL when you die.
Retreat then in time from the path you have chosen,
Is th' advice of your Friend and affectionate COUSIN.
SHENKIN.
SIMKIN.
World July 7. 1789
THIS WRITER certainly is to BURKE, what a good Jockey is to a jaded horse: he gets him on astonishingly! And without possessing much of the spirit of prophesy, we think we can foretell there will be Readers of the Trial when the Hearers are worn out.
SIMKIN to his Dear Brother SIMON in WALES.
YOU REMEMBER, dear Brother, my stating to you
The question on which the Tribunal withdrew;
They on something resolv'd, tho' I cannot say what,
As when the Court met, they discover'd it not;
But 'twas hinted to me, they suspected a PLOT.
For knowing that EDMUND is arch and designing,
A good Pioneer, and conversant in mining,
'Twas concluded, that if they betray'd the foundation,
He would blow up at once all the LAW in the Nation.
When the LORDS were assembled, FOX rose up to plague 'em
With GORING'S Epistle, and one from "BURKE'S Bhagum;"
Which, as they were publicly printed, he said,
For their LORDSHIPS' Appendix, they ought to be read;
But HASTINGS'S Counsel an argument drew,
To prove printing a Paper can't render it TRUE.
FOX answer'd - "The COUNSEL must yield to their fate,
For indeed they have made their objection too late;
And as they had read the said Paper before,
There could be no harm if they read it once more."
That it ever was read, the learn'd COUNSEL deny'd, -
It was ENTER'D as READ, their OPPONENT reply'd;
Who rested his case on this argument sole,
That reading a part must be reading the WHOLE;
And of error the MANAGERS try'd to convict 'em,
By praising and quoting the CHANCELLOR'S dictum.
Then EDMUND, who constantly loves to regale
The ears of the COURT with a ludicrous Tale,
Inform'd us, at length, of the perils and dangers
Which may happen at VENICE to ignorant strangers.
He told us of one who the STATE reprehended,
And another who highly extoll'd and defended;
BOTH of whom by the SENATE of VENICE were hung,
For unjustifiable licence of Tongue.
One was hang'd for the making a verbal attack,
The other for whitening what never was black.
To the CHANCELLOR only then let it belong,
To disprove that his doctrine deliver'd was wrong.
After many disputes, and long trials to state
The questions the LORDS were about to debate;
And FOX had express'd his pathetical fears,
That Simplicity might be dislik'd by the PEERS;
Their LORDSHIPS again had the honour of showing
Their graceful deportment in COMING and GOING.
They return'd with an answer WE did not expect,
"That the MANAGERS had NOT been very correct;
That the Orator CHARLES had improperly said
That the LETTER of GORING was ENTER'D as READ!'
Then CHARLES, who is seldom or ne'er at a loss
When the dice run against him, or FORTUNE is cross,
Another expedient immediately found,
And offer'd the Letter on quite a new ground.
He said, as their LORDSHIPS before had consented
This letter shou'd in the Appendix be printed;
THEY, at any time after, were bound to receive it,
And, being in print, they of course MUST believe it.
In answer to CHARLEY, LORD CAMDEN remarks,
That the printing was merely an Act of the CLERKS;
To the printing the MANAGERS should not resort,
Unless they could PROVE it an Act of the COURT.
Then CHARLEY lamented, with tears in his eyes,
That he, a poor Commoner, was not so wise,
That he could not discern, whilst left in the dark,
The Act of the HOUSE from the Act of the CLERK;
The Doctrine of Evidence then he dissected,
Showing what shou'd be taken, and what be rejected.
Here EDMUND broke forth, in his violent way,
Like a Mountain parturient, he labour'd to say
That an Epilogue is the best part of a Play:
That the Epilogue show'd, which their LORDSHIPS had made,
That as writers of Plays, they were young in the trade:
I sympathiz'd with him, when BURKE was complaining
That the Epilogue was not at all entertaining.
If it will not, says he, serve the end of accusing,
I'm sure there is nothing in't very amusing;
It has neither the beautiful nor the sublime,
And the making thereof was profusion of time.
Here BURKE, oeconomical sadly regrets
The enormous increase of our National Debts;
And frightened to death, lest the Empire should sink
By their LORDSHIPS' profusion of Paper and Ink.
'Tis expected hereafter, in some of his Bills,
He will limit the PEERS in their Paper and Quills.
Nor will this be thought such a comical thing,
When we think of his conduct respecting the KING:
The man whom Oeconomy urged to withstand
The grant of a lemon for MAJESTY'S hand,
With Justice and Reason may move for the stinting
Their LORDSHIPS' expence in superfluous printing.
Now EDMUND observes to the LORDS, he has done,
Excepting a word, and it should be but ONE;
But, alas! taciturnity's not in his pow'r,
For his tongue like a larum ran more than an hour.
In printing, he humbly conceiv'd the prevention
Of reading the Paper was not their intention;
And he hop'd that the COURT, in its gravity, never
Printed that which could answer no purpose whatever.
That it was not like timber, which can't be employ'd
In a ship or a house, and so may be destroy'd.
The timber, he said, which no Artist can turn
To some kind of building, he fitly may burn.
Here one of the NOBLES seem'd not to admire
The ideas combin'd of appendix and fire.
Then CHARLEY came forth, and his Leader defended,
By whom it appears no offence was intended.
This settled- their Lordships as usual withdrew,
To debate on a question that's perfectly new:
They return'd, and the CHANCELLOR said, 'twas agreed
That the Managers are not permitted to read.
Then EDMUND came forth, and began an Oration,
With off'ring to Heav'n an ejaculation,
Like a Chaplain he pray'd for that spiritual light
Which leads all Tribunals to that which is right.
He said, that although they oblig'd him to yield,
He very reluctantly quitted the field;