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[Page 65]
For the WORLD.
SIMKIN'S FAREWELL TO THE PUBLIC.
SIMKIN in WALES, to SHENKIN in TOWN.
DEAR SHENKIN, I tell you, with infinite pleasure,
That your LETTER is look'd upon here as a treasure;
I have read it a hundred times over at least,
And so has the 'SQUIRE, and our neighbour the PRIEST.
Old Counsellor GRIFFYTH, retir'd from the BAR,
Who very well knows what the ORATORS are,
Would have you attend all the WESTMINSTER COURTS,
And send him in verse, a new Book of Reports.
The suits of my heroes he's apt to suppose,
Induration may justly be liken'd to those,
Which have lasted for ages between RICHARD ROE,
The casual Ejector, and tenant JOHN DOE.
But indeed, my dear SHENKIN, I'm happy to find,
That I left such an able REPORTER behind;
For, alas! by attending too close on the farm,
My father and mother have done themselves harm;
And 'tis therefore their wish, (which I cannot withstand)
That SIMKIN turn Farmer, and manage their land;
And that henceforth I bid the IMPEACHMENT adieu,
And leave WARREN HASTINGS to EDMUND and you.
Believe me, already more pleasure I find,
In screening my Goats from the Easterly wind;
In feeding my Chickens, and serving the Hogs,
And uplifting the runts that are stuck in the bogs;
In saving the Lamb, which is yean'd in the snow,
From becoming a prey to the Fox or the Crow:
More pleasure I feel in low CHARITY'S work,
Than in hearing the speeches of JOSEPH and BURKE:
For I've found (what you'll find), that the latter employment,
On reflection, afforded no lasting enjoyment.
Buoy'd up by the bladder of vain adulation,
I thought I had once acquir'd some reputation,
And was read with delight by three-fourths of the nation:
But, alas! now I find, that the cutting REVIEWS,
Have pronounc'd a harsh sentence on me and my Muse:
They say, they receiv'd no amusement or sport,
As they formerly did, when they read my report
Of the speeches of BURKE, and proceedings of Court:
But had they reflected so much as they ought,
They had not punish'd SIMKIN for ANSTRUTHER'S fault.
As the Israelites thought it exceeding hard law,
To make PHAROAH'S bricks, when he gave them no straw;
And complain'd to the LORD of additional trouble,
In ranging the fields for a bundle of stubble:
So I found it hard labour to give the town fun,
Out of ANSTRUTHER'S speech, which had really none.
Ah! wherefore did SIMKIN imprudently follow
His own whim, and neglect the advice of APOLLO.
A thousand times over the DEITY said,
There is no making gold out of ANSTRUTHER'S lead-
That the town, after feeding on high-season'd dishes,
Made of wild fowl and venison, and all sorts of fishes,
Their appetites languid, wou'd never regale
With ANSTRUTHER'S bull-beef, oat-pudding, and kale.
But, still, notwithstanding this wholesome advice,
I fancy'd the readers would not be so nice-
That the high court of CRITICS, perhaps, might admit,
In fidelity merit, as well as in wit-
That poetical flights in a TRIAL'S Recorder,
Would be blam'd for transgressing decorum and order.
This opinion, however, I find to be wrong,
And agree with the CRITICS I've written too long:
But I wish them to know, that I always intended
To lay down my pen when the TRIAL was ended-
And that of my Letters, the thankless obtrusion,
Was to perfect my Work with the TRIAL'S conclusion.
But I find, from a late resolution and vote,
That the period, once look'd for, is very remote;
And that, without some supernat'ral assistance,
It can terminate only with EDMUND'S existence;
Or when HASTINGS'S death puts him out of the reach
Of those, who have sworn while he lives to impeach.
Before, my dear COUSIN, I lay down my pen,
As perhaps I may never resume it again,
Let me give you some counsel, that you may avoid
The rocks and the sands which my vessel destroy'd:
In ev'ry poetic historical Work
Let your HERO be either FOX, JOSEPH, or BURKE.
The last, after having been Lawyer and Proctor,
Paymaster, Stockjobber, is now become Doctor;
And, from the contents of your Letters, I fancy,
He is DOCTOR of MAGIC, or else Necromancy;
He was ever a man of fine versatile parts,
And perfectly master of all the black arts.
I mean, he possesses the science or knack,
Of making white things unaccountably black;
Of hyperboles wild, he's a constant supply,
A fountain of nonsense that never is dry.
But, remember, whatever the underlings say,
Such as ADAM, ANSTRUTHER, YOUNG, ERSKINE, and GREY,
Tho' you whip them, like burthen beasts, out of the way,
Never trouble your countrymen, friends, or relations,
With reading in verse their dull stupid orations:
Tho' the Lords are condemn'd by their office to hear 'em,
No reader in WALES has the patience to bear 'em.
Once more, my dear SHENKIN, I bid you adieu;-
And whenever the COMMONS the IMPEACHMENT renew,
We expect the proceedings reported to you.
SIMKIN.
Llanvigan, Jan 8, 1791.
SHENKIN.
"JAM NOVA PROGENIES"-Thus shall a new Progeny, to the delight of the WORLD, be again presented to the Public. The departure of SIM-KIN, who but must lament? All the hope that remains is, that his WORTHY RELATION in LONDON will possess the family humour, and the family spirit.
SHENKIN in TOWN, to his FRIENDS in WALES.
HAVING little to do, and to get rid of time,
And accustom myself to the writing in rhyme,
I'm elected a Member, and one of the Quorum,
That weekly attend at the Westminster Forum:
Last evening the Question proposed for debate,
Was - What is BURKE'S weight in the scales of the State?
One GENTLEMAN said, and begg'd leave to submit,
That BURKE was in eloquence greater than PITT,
And superior to JOSEPH in satire and wit;
Than FOX or DUNDAS he's in argument stronger,
And can hold out at least for a day or two longer.
Then another observ'd, in the stile of suggestion,
That he who spoke first had mistaken the question;
He added, "According to my calculation,
"BURKE'S value is equal to that of the Nation:"
(This bold declaration excited surprise,
Which was strongly express'd by upturning of eyes:)
"And, strange as it seems, I shall make it appear,
"Like a Problem in EUCLID, quite certain and clear.
"I discover'd this truth by a nice calculation,
"By means of a new Algebraic Equation,
"For finding BURKE'S value in parts of the Nation:
"Tho' the worth of the Nation exceeds definition,
" 'Twill not in the smallest affect the condition.
"But first, as I ought, I'll exhibit to view,
"The data from which the conclusion I drew.
"In the ANNUAL REGISTER, lately brought forth,
"Are data intended to settle BURKE'S worth;
"The Hist'ry of Europe is written and done,
"In pages precisely two hundred and one;
"And out of this number, GREAT BRITAIN engages,
"Within a small portion, just one hundred pages;
"And out of this hundred I find seventeen,
"Without other matter intrusive between,
"Taken up with abridgement of one single speech
"Of BURKE'S, on the day he began to impeach:
"His complaints of delay, with his threats and defiance;
"His opinions of treaties and foreign alliance;
"And diversify'd matter which thence did arise,
"Such as PITT'S observations, DUNDAS'S replies;
"And many more things, which the Reader may see,
"Make up an addition of thirty and three:
"If to thirty and three we the seventeen add,
"Of fifty exact the amount will be had;
"And if we one hundred by fifty divide,
"The quotient is two; and I therefore decide
"That the value of EDMUND, on true estimation,
"Is a quantity equal to that of the Nation.