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[Page 26]
World Feb 17, 1789
SIMKIN the SECOND
THERE was a DUKE of CUMBERLAND, who held it best that another should speak for him. This Author speaks for himself; and he has spoken so effectually, that his Verse, which has appeared in this Paper, has gone into other languages, and distant countries. He has never spoken more happily than at pre-sent.
SIMKIN the SECOND,
To his DEAR BROTHER SIMON, in WALES.
HUZZA, my dear Boy! Renovation of FUN!
The Curtain's drawn up, and the Play is begun!
You have read in Pope's Homer, how Royal ATRIDES
Used to summon to Council, that Bully, TYDIDES;
MENELAUS, the Cuckold-strong AJAX, sage NESTOR,
ULYSUSS, the crafty-THERSYTES, the Jester:
With Worthies, like those, he was wont to debate,
How to conquer old PRIAM, and ruin his State.
To each separate Leader, that part he assign'd
As would best suit the pow'rs of his body and mind.
For sloth and remissness, he some reprehended,
And some, for their courage and zeal, he commended.
So the POST and the HERALD, announce to their Readers,
Has EDMUND, great EDMUND, that Leader of Leaders,
To Council conven'd the whole Corps of Conductors,
With Attornies and Counsellers, legal Instructors.
When they all were assembled, - BURKE rose to explain
The plan he had form'd for the opening Campaign.
"Ye lingual Champions, would the ALMIGHTY bless
"Our unremitted labours with success,
"Soon should we stretch this EASTERN VICTIM low,
"And proudly triumph o'er our hated Foe.
"But HEAVEN, alas! to Us its aid denies,
"HASTINGS, e'en yet, is favour'd by the skies;
"Eight tedious years have passed, since I began
"To war with this unconquerable Man;
"All means, all arts, all stratagems I've tried,
"And fought with FOX and PARTY on my side;
"For terms opprobrious, ransack'd JOHNSON through,
"Till JOHNSON'S Learning yielded nothing new.
"I tax'd my brain, inventive, to traduce
"The Foe, by strong diversified abuse;
"But vain my toil, the Public still admire
"The Man who boldly braves a PATRIOT'S Ire.
"Oft has Despair excited me to yield,
"And leave my Foe the honour of the Field.
"But now I see one ray of comfort spring,
"While NOBLES mourn the Sickness of the KING.
"Come, then, my HEROES, be the Fight renew'd,
"And WARREN HASTINGS may be yet subdued."
Here EDMUND ceas'd-th'assembled Chiefs agreed,
'Twas theirs to follow, as 'twas his to lead.
'Then BURKE resum'd-"My Friends, bear well in mind,
"The part to each bold Leader I've assign'd;
"The Heaven-born Lawyer, FOX, shall singly stand,
"Opposed to yonder formidable Band;
"His powerful Eloquence shall over-awe
"DALLAS and PLUMER, with their Leader, Law.
"Their weaker Notes, his thund'ring voice shall drown,
"His Eye-brows awe them, with terrific frown.
"By some fine turn toward a dangerous hit,
"Or gall the Enemy with strokes of wit,
"To paint the Matron's wrongs, or cause to flow
"The tears of Pity, for fictitious woe;
"The various beauties of the STAGE to cull,
"Give life and spirits, when the COURT grows dull;
"To please the Ladies, make the audience merry,
"My hope and confidence are plac'd on SHERRY:
"But let him heedful of the darts he sends,
"Wound not obliquely, as before, his FRIENDS.
"To prove in TACTICS, HASTINGS' want of skill,
"His Military Plans, concerted ill;
"To prove that long, unparallel'd success
"Makes, if well understood, his Merit less;
"That 'tis not CONQUEST stamps the Hero GREAT,
"Since Honours, Wealth, and Fame, attend DEFEAT:
"This be thy glorious task, oh, Great BURGOYNE!
"And NORTH and ERSKINE, if they please, may join.
"ANSTRUTHER, ADAM, TAYLOR, MAITLAND, GREY,
"May, as occasions rise, come into play.
"Should SHERRY'S Wit, or CHARLES'S Reasoning fail,
"They, to consume the time, may storm and rail:
"With durt and mud, bedaub the PRISONER thick,
"Perchance some fragments on his coat may stick.
"You, Brother DICK, shall be our Serjeant Prime,
"The Fugal-Man, to watch, and give the time.
"When sparks of Wit illuminating shine,
"I'll tip the Wink-do you repeat the Sign,
"And, in loud laughter, let the Phalanx join.
"DOUGLAS, the Green Bag I consign to thee;
"Let LAWRENCE hand each document to me.
"I trust the Banquet to th' ATTORNEY'S skill;
"TROWARD shall tax, and pay the Landlord's Bill.
"These, COADJUTORS, be your separate Tasks,
"These are the duties which your LEADER asks."
He said - and bursts of general applause
Presag'd their future ardour in the Cause.
The meaner part to youthful GREY assign'd,
Corrosive prey'd on his aspiring mind;
His pride was touch'd, his vanity was hurt;
A SCAVENGER, forsooth! and deal in Dirt!
With eye indignant, viewing Marshal BURKE,
He cried, "My soul disdains such paltry work;
"For throwing Mud, and all such vulgar stuff,
"Thou need'st no aid-thyself, can'st throw enough!
"No-let the part I take be nobly large,
"I singly claim the Conduct of a CHARGE;
"I pant, I burn, for Oratoric Fame,
"With FOX, with SHERIDAN, to join my Name.
"If this my just Request shall be denied,
"EDMUND farewell! I take the better Side."
BURKE, in reply, thus sooth'd his testy Friend:-
"Thy Warmth I pardon, and thy Zeal commend;
"To thee hereafter, I'll a CHARGE consign,
"And thou another SHERIDAN shalt shine!
"When Change of Power puts PITT within my reach,
"Or NORTH, or I, will then rash Boy IMPEACH!
"Not PITT [indecipherable] we have in view-
"ALL who approv'd the [indecipherable] we'll pursue.
"Of aid like thine, we much shall stand in need,
"And Causes various thou shalt have to plead.'
Here the Meeting broke up, so I've only to add,
It is strongly suspected, that EDMUND is mad!
For he means, as we hear, to level a Charge
Against PITT, both the Houses, and NATION at large!
LORDS and COMMONS he reprobates loudly, for closing
With PITT'S Limitations, and PITT for proposing:
In his Moments of Phrenzy, his Rage he expresses
'Gainst those COUNTIES and TOWNS that have signed the Addresses.
Like CAIN, he has made HUMAN NATURE his Foe,
And at all who approach him, he levels a Blow.
Here my Letter I close; but should EDMUND'S Pro-ceeding
Supply me with aught that is worthy your reading,
Be assur'd, I shall quickly dispatch you another.
For the present, I rest your affectionate Brother.
SIMKIN.
SIMON.
World Feb 23 1789
IT is to be in good luck, to have a good Brother:
but it is not all families who, like the above,
produce two Wits in the same house.
From SIMON in WALES to his Dear BROTHER SIMKIN in LONDON.
WHAT a strange world it is, BROTHER SIMKIN! we're in,
Of lies, and confusion, of folly, and sin!
And the Right and the Wrong seem so twisted about,
That I'm sure at this distance they can't be found out.
But PARTY I fear is the cause of the bastings
So lavishly given to poor WARREN HASTINGS.
And I oftentimes think all the MANAGERS cruel-
That their FIRE is Resentment, and MALICE the Fuel.
Else why should DICK SHERRY and good MASTER BURKE
On the subject of Plunder and DEBTS-make such work?