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[Page 33]
Now EDMUND begins to lament and complain,
That the foot of Corruption is scented in vain:
That if probable Evidence cannot be taken,
The Cause to its very Foundation is shaken;
And CHARLES also thunder'd against the decision,
Til their LORDSHIPS consented at length to revision.
To determine, if what they rejected before,
As it loudly demanded admission once more,
Might not be let in at the Kitchen Back-door?
A while they withdrew - to their Room to debate;
The result was - That they would not open their Gate.
Now EDMUND pathetic, begins to implore
They would kindly conduct him to some other Door:
Ah! why will your LORDSHIPS permit us to stray?
We are ignorant Travellers losing our way.
Then EDMUND in passionate language began
To prove that himself was an ignorant Man.
That a large Stock of Ignorance fell to the share
Of himself and the flock that is under the care.
That they could no solid advantages draw
From their Consultations with Men of the Law.
Just here a thought suddenly enter'd my head,
Which in private, to you, may with safety be said;
If they want either Will or the Power to assist,
Their Civilians and Counsellors might be dismist:
For why should the NATION incur an expence,
In the hire of profound legal Knowledge and Sense,
From THOSE, to themselves who so closely have kept it,
Or if BURKE did not think it worth while to accept it?
To RETURN to the subject of EDMUND'S oration;-
He said, "that CORRUPTION and base PECULATION,
From their LORDSHIPS' resolve would extensively spread;
That they aided in raising INIQUITY'S Head.
FOX thinking that he could be louder and stronger,
Would not suffer his LEADER to speak any longer;
Awhile there appear'd a confusion of tongues,
But CHARLEY prevail'd by the strength of his Lungs.
He prov'd to the LORDS, 'twas exceedingly wrong
To expect from the MANAGERS evidence strong:
That they should not be squeemish but joyfully take
The proofs that are offer'd for Justice's sake.
And since all the Doors below stairs were shut,
To the Window a Ladder CHARLES artfully put.
(For tho' by the late unexpected conclusion
The Doors were close barr'd against daring intrusion,
That does not amount to a total exclusion.)
Again to their Chamber their LORDSHIPS withdraw
To put this new Question to Men of the Law:
There is one Dr. PARR, it behoves you the know,
Who won all the MANAGERS hearts long ago,
By a cramp Latin Preface of broken Quotations,
In praise of their Politics, Parts, and Orations;
This Parsonage often attends in their BOX,
To glean hints for his SERMONS from EDMUND and FOX;
And perhaps as a Casuist, deep to suggest
Some subtle new Quirk when the Cause is hard prest,
Or to furnish dry Scraps from OLD AUTHORS: at least,
He can never be requisite there as a PRIEST-
For intentions so pure, and such MEEKNESS of SPIRIT,
Must of course, and of right, HEAVEN'S Kingdom inherit:
Unless as a Chaplain, they'd have him say grace,
For success on their Arms ere the battle takes place.
This same MANAGDR'S BOX, I've observ'd to be lin'd,
With hungry Expectants of ev'ry kind.
And PARR, as a Regency BISHOP ELECT,
Has a claim to a seat among those who expect.
For finding his LATIN, his WIG, and his BIRCH,
All too weak to secure his ascent in the CHURCH,
He dashingly join'd OPPOSITION in form,
Determin'd to carry a Mitre by STORM!
I have much more to say, but this moment a Friend
Is come in, and of course, my Epistle must end.
Howe'er of Remissness you shall not complain,
I mean by next Post to address you again.
SIMPKIN.
World May 27,1789
SUCH PRECISION, - such Fluency, - and such Pleasantry, as distinguish this Writer, may well make him the wonder of the day. If he be wise, he will keep his real name a secret, and let his good name only go forth.
To his Dear Brother SIMON in WALES.
I TOLD you, dear BROTHER, their LORDSHIPS retir'd
To consider of that which the LEADERS requir'd:
On THURSDAY, the day to which they had adjourn'd,
They met, and Lord THURLOW their answer return'd;
Which was, "That their LORDSHIPS not being asleep,
" 'Twas impossible now through the window to creep!"
Here EDMUND brought in a Poetic Quotation,
Which attributes to NOW an eternal duration:
He said the word now was a cruel obstruction;
A difficult Problem, too hard for reduction;
That the MANAGERS meant to return to their College,
For Physical and Metaphysical knowledge;
Or some sort of knowledge, informing them how
To purge from the Cause such obstructions as Now.
After these observations, BURKE finished his Pleading,
And the Clerk for a while was engag'd with his Reading;
The EDMUND that Evidence offer'd once more,
Which the LORDS had rejected so often before;
And by way of supporting his present pretension,
Of NOW and THEN, he describ'd the dimension.
The periods of NOW with exactness he reckon'd,
And said THEN was the first, and that NOW was the second.
Here the CHANCELLOR wish'd that the LEADERS would say
What motives they had for thus forcing their way?
Then CHARLES, in his vehement manner of storming,
The QUESTION evades, and objects to informing:
He said 'twas the MANAGERS duty to try
(As HASTINGS would neither confess nor deny)
To construe his silence, his want of expression,
Into probable Guilt, and presumptive Confession.
He added, had HASTINGS'S Conscience been clearer,
He had shewn no omissory sullen demeanour:-
"Suppose that I heard any person complain
"Of its being my fault, that so many were slain
"Of the WESTMINSTER PEOPLE that voted for HOOD,
"I would surely deny it as long as I could-
"And if I this moment were put on my Trial,
"I would not be found Guilty, for want of DENIAL."
Now EDMUND put in, and with ardour besought
Their Lordships would kindly pass over a fault;
He hoped, and he trusted, they would not reject
The proof he could bring, for so trifling defect
That so high a Tribunal ought not to be ty'd
To the Forms, and the Rules whereby LAWYERS decide,
But CONVENIENCY takes a less fallible guide;
For if Pains and Penalties are not inflicted
On Eastern Delinquents, till fairly convicted,
The MANAGERS here may a long time harangue
Before they may see any one of them hang;
And if probable Evidence is not admitted,
The Prisoner's in danger of being acquitted.
Living WITNESSES into this country to bring
From INDIA, my LORDS, is a difficult thing:
There was but one BRAMIN who ventur'd to cross
The Sea, and he felt irretrievable loss,
Nothing less that the family Title of Doss.
This allusion just then I did not comprehend,
'Till 'twas clear'd up by EDMUND'S particular friend;
And as he detail'd an agreeable story,
I'll digress for a moment, to lay it before you:-
A STORY.
BURKE - The BRAMIN - and the HOT-HOUSE.
One GOONISHAM, my Authors say,
Was bred a Joiner* at BOMBAY;
Where, by some damnable transgression,
He lost his Cast and his Profession.
He gave his Jailor too, the slip,
And got on board an Europe Ship;
There hiding underneath the deck,
From Halter sav'd his forfeit Neck.
When GOONISHAM to England came,
He heard of EDMUND'S sounding fame,
And adding DOSS to his Surname,
With that Enthusiastic, past
For Bramin † of the highest Cast.
Now BURKE, with exultation big,
Like him who got the Learned Pig,
Grasps at this fund of information,
To furnish many a long Oration.
At home invites him to reside;
An offer which the SAINT deny'd.
EDMUND provided next a Treat-
The scrup'lous FATHER would not eat;
A Jesuit's Table would not suit him,
A Christian's Dwelling would pollute him.
Now BURKE fits up, at vast expence,
A HOT-HOUSE for his residence;
The old Exotics out he threw,
To make provision for the new.
Pines and et ceteras out of number,
Were thrown away as useless lumber:
*The Carpenter Cast is extremely low in India.
† The Bramin Cast is the highest in India, being of the Order of Melchisedeck.