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[Page 28]
For no men of judgment would e'er have expected,
That talents so useful should be so neglected.
Howe'er as the KING is restor'd to his Health
They must bid adieu to HOPE, HONOUR, and WEALTH.
Their Dreams of AMBITION delusive are fled,
For the Minister's yet not OFFICIALLY dead;
PITT falsifies JOSEPH'S Prophetic Expression,
Concerning his "last dying Speech and Confession."
The TRIUMVIRATE now may go separate ways --
JOE SURFACE again to the writing of Plays;
CHARLES FOX on the Continent finish his ramble,
Or teach the Young PRINCES at BROOKES'S to gamble;
And BURKE, if he ever recover his Senses,
May harangue to the LORDS, when the TRIAL commences.
SIMKIN.
P.S. The LORDS and the COMMONS of IRELAND have sent
COMMISSIONERS here, an Address to present,
To make the PRINCE Regent, which now, to be sure,
Proves rather precipitate and premature;
This however, affords little matter for Wonder,
As the IRISH, you know, have a Licence to BLUNDER.
SIMKIN.
World April 25. 1789
What writer has equalled this, in the flow of natural Humour? Perhaps it may be answered -- ANSTIE. But in Celerity, and the Speed of Verse, never has he had a rival. And let those who read him, mark how faithfully he follows his original.
SIMKIN the SECOND in LONDON, to his Dear BROTHER in WALES.
I TOLD you Dear BROTHER, a month or two back,
That BURKE was preparing another attack.
After fixing, unfixing, refixing, the day,
The LORDS have at length put an end to delay,
So EDMUND came forward, attended by GREY.
You have frequently heard, that with Men of the FIST,
BOTTLE-HOLDERS, like SECONDS, make part of the list.
And thence the new fashion, 'tis probable, sprung
To appoint BOTTLE-HOLDERS to Men of the Tongue:
So EDMUND, intending to batter the ears
Of the CHANCELLOR, JUDGES, and dignify'd PEERS,
Has his Botttle Man also, and frequently sips,
To wash out his mouth, and to moisten his lips.
Thus EDMUND began -- "We are come from a place
Where we heard a great deal about MERCY and GRACE;
About thanking the LORD for restoring the KING,
Which most people think a desirable thing;
But, my LORDS, the best praise we can offer to GOD,
Is freely to exercise JUSTICE'S Rod:
Some curious folk in another place, ask?
In how many years more we shall finish our task?
My answer is short -- that I cannot pretend
To form an idea of when it will end.
The story, my LORDS, which I now have to tell,
'Tis probable, may not be relish'd so well.
No BEGUM of fierce violation complains;
No RAJAH groans under the weight of his chains;
And sorry I am, that I cannot regale
Your ears with a RAPE, or some delicate tale.
'Tis but seldom indeed, in these liberal times
Opportunity serves of committing such crimes.
But before I the subtle distinction describe
Between PEESHCUSH, and NEZER, and RISHWET, a Bribe,
You must know that the people whose cause we are pleading,
Have transmitted PETITIONS to stay our proceeding:
They roundly assert, that THEY never sustain'd
Those cruel distresses of which WE complain'd.
The Petitions, I grant, are authentic and true,
But my LORDS, what is THAT to the COMMONS or YOU?
It Can't save the PRIS'NER, I venture to say,
Since all must allow WE know better that THEY;
And like the O:LD BAYLEY, in this case I hope
GOOD Character clearly PRESSAGES a Rope."
Just here, BURKE was seiz'd with a drought on his lip,
So he just said "My Lords," and repeated his sip --
The Pris'ner, my LORDS, while he fill'd that high station
Was the source of Corruption were of his conntrivance,
Or supported at least by his purchas'd contrivance,
For when the DEWANNY, My lords, was withdrawn,
From the NABOB's Instructor, MOHOMED RIGA CAWN,
Not a man could be met with so virtuous and just
As to fill that important, respectable trust:
Not a man could be met with sufficiently wise: --
Then to whom do you think he directed his eyes?
To a Female, my LORDS, the DEWANNY he gave,
To a dancing Girl truly, that sprung from a Slave.
I do not allude to those ellegant dances
Whereby a fair Lady her Beauty enhances;
But to that kind of Dancing which young men admire
In Ladies that skip it and dance it for hire.
MUNNY BEGUM, the object of HASTINGS' Election,
Sole Regent was made, without any Restriction.
No Restriction, my LORDS, she was perfectly free,
As Regents, I think, should in general be.
But the powers of Regent alone would not do,
He made her ARCHBISHOP, and CHANCELLOR too,
The NABOB'S dear Person, his armies and treasure,
Were all at this BEGUM'S, the dancing Girl's, pleasure.
And here let me ask, can your LORDSHIPS suppose
That he was not paid for it -- under the Rose?
Was it likely that HASTINGS these offices gave her
Without some return from the PRINCESS'S favour?
And we could establish against him, with ease,
Three hundred and fifty odd thousand RUPEES,
If the man who inform'd us that HASTINGS was fee'd,
Had not died on the Gallows, for forging a Deed.
The Council may urge, that no credit is due
To a wretch that was hang'd -- that it cannot be true.
But let them beware how on this they insist,
Lest I add a new Charge to the Criminal List --
That HASTING'S and IMPEY concerted a plan,
To MURDER a Noble, an innocent Man.
Suppose that some scandalous fellow should say,
An ARCHBISHOP in robes had rob'd on the highway,
Or a CHANC'LOR been publicly guilty of Plunder,
Who would not receive it as a matter of wonder?
But whenever we hear of an Eastern NABOB,
We annex the idea of Plunder and Job.
We presume on his guilt from this circumstance strong,
And 'tis not in nature that WE should be wrong:
The PRIS'ner's vast Stomach, your LORDSHIPS will find
Occasion'd a Famine wherever he din'd;
And indeed it is wonderful how he could eat
Up two hundred pound, at a single day's treat!
MUNNY BEGUM, who fed him, would frequently say
It cost her two hundred pound sterling a day.
HASTINGS eat in three months what was meant to support
A hundred black Peers at the PRINCESSE'S Court;
And while this strange Glutton was lavishly fed;
A hundred old Nobles were starving for bread.
Like a Vulture he snatches his food from the grave,
Nor preys EAGLE-like, on the living and brave.
Ye PRELATES and BISHOPS, suppose if you please,
An Intruder should lick up the fat of your Sees.
Or suppose that a man, without any pretension,
Should devour at a meal any Nobleman's Pension.
As EDMUND was earnestly putting these cases,
It somewhat affected their reverend faces.
Howe'er BURKE went on with his pleasant Oration,
Till, as usual, he stop'd to repeat his potation.
Whene'er he grew dry, to his DOCTOR he beckon'd,
Who acted this day BOTTLE--HOLDER and SECOND.
When his patient was tir'd , GREY would read us a Letter
By way of amusement, till EDMUND was better.
Thus being alternately BUTLER and Reader,
Four hours he supported his eloquent Leader.
But to finish the subject -- When EDMUND had rail'd
Four hours against HASTINGS, his energy failed;
And in spite of his bottle, and frequently drinking,
He found that his strength and his spirits were sinking;
But indeed I must own, he possesses more vigour
Than one could expect from his manner and figure:
At length quite exhausted, the Lord's he address'd
On the MANAGER'S part, with an humble request,
That they would be pleas'd, for that day to adjourn,
To give time for his spirit and strength to return.
I hope you will like this Epistle, dear BROTHER.
And if EDMUND finds matter, I'll send you another.
SIMKIN.