[Page 55]
"My fame once so spotless, with STAPLE abuse,
"All the MINISTER'S Prints have combin'd to traduce;
"They have said, since in favour I grew with His HIGHNESS,
"The DUKE has look'd on with suspicion and shyness;
"That I, Traitor-like, have been false to the League,
"And have sever'd two HOUSES by artful intrigue.
"It would be, Mr. Speaker, my glory and pride,
"If the COMMONS, the LORDS, and the PEOPLE beside,
"Like his GRACE, would approve of my saying and doing,
"And permit me to save the whole Nation from ruin.
"Should ANY my CHARACTER dare to attack,
"And to hint that both Private and Public are black;
"That in ANY ONE PART; my Escutcheon is blotted,
"Or the skin of my legs even speckled or spotted;
"I say, and I trust, it will ne'er be forgot,
"I defy human Malice to find out a spot;
"And unless any Gentleman rise in his place,
"And will point out some action, DISHONEST or BASE,
"Although from reproach I may not be exempt,
"All abuse out of doors I shall treat with contempt:
"To anonymous scandal I ne'er shall reply,
"And for warfare so trifling, MY MIND is too high;
"For I live in a land where a Man cuts a figure,
"In proportion to intellect, spirit, and vigour."
Whilst this was deliver'd by JOSEPH, in thunder,
I observ'd all the Hearers were gaping with wonder;
All smitten, perhaps, by the force of conviction,
For they could not suppose JOE was dealing in fiction.
And indeed, my Dear Simon, with grief and surprize,
I reflect on the many malevolent lies,
Which of late thro' the wicked Metropolis ran,
Concerning this worthy, respectable Man.
But in case you've not heard them, the stories I mean,
Are his urging the P--- to dispute with the Q---;
That when he had raised himself up to the top
Of the ladder, he speedily kick'd down the prop;
That being too haughty, too great to be led,
Of the Party, his vanity made him the head;
Whilst the DUKE growing jealous, declared him unfit
To impose Loans and Taxes, in lieu of YOUNG PITT:
That the entré to Drury, to make up a sum,
Honest JOSEPH had sold, for ten seasons to come;
And thus he escap'd, at a critical pinch,
For you know 'tis unsafe-to DRIVE just to an inch:
That a worthy old man, had his fortune invested,
Where JOEY'S best hopes, for the present, are rested,
But had lately been forc'd to abandon the realm,
Tho' JOSPEH stood firm, with his eye on the HELM,
From Duns well secured, by a seat in a place,
Where non-payment of debts was ne'er reckon'd disgrace.
These, and other detestable, infamous tales,
Through England are spread, and, perhaps, have reach'd Wales.
And 'twas said, that without some especial protection,
Sir ELIJAH would oust him at Stafford Election;
But after so bold, and so manly a Speech,
Who, in future, will venture his fame to impeach.
After much contemplation, I'm free to admit,
As a Minister, I prefer JOSEPH to PITT;
Harsh Laws ev'ry Session, by PITT are enacted,
To pay off the Debts which by NORTH were contracted;
But were JOSEPH a Minister, he could contrive
To make Debtor and Creditor equally thrive;
That is, he would raise money some other way,
Than by taxing the Public, the Public to pay;
For tho' they are Debtor and Creditor both,
To receive they are prompt, but to pay they are loth.
Now JOE, so his friends and his enemies say,
Has been us'd to receive, not accustom'd to pay;
For his genius inventive, has found out resources,
To supply, without cash, his extravagant courses;
And were JOSEPH the MINISTER, doubtless, he would
His secret disclose for the National good;
Or some mode would strike out, for the Public to get
The Interest, at least, on its great load of debt.
But, SIMON, in spite of his eloquent pleading,
I see little chance of our JOSEPH'S succeeding;
For PITT, and his friends, seem'd to think he was joking,
Tho' he talk'd for three hours, on snuff-taking and smoaking;
Yet I cannot but own, 'tis exceedingly hard,
That virtue, like JOSEPH'S, should fail of reward;
But the Chapter of Accidents still may befriend him,
And when next he bursts forth, better luck may attend him.
Farewell, my Dear Brother, this Letter I end,
But when FOX shall sum up, I another will send.
SIMKIN to SIMON.
[in margin] World April 27. 1790.
LAST Thursday, DEAR BROTHER, by half after one,
WARREN HASTINGS'S Trial once more was begun;
PLUMBOSO set off, with expressing his wonder,
At discovering some typographical blunder;
Which having corrected, as well as he cou'd,
He requested their LORDSHIPS would then be so good
As to hear him go on with his stating, and showing,
Some things, which he fancy'd, were fit for their knowing:
He said-" I believe I can make it appear,
"That the COMPANY'S TENANTS were much in "arrear,
"And that HASTINGS had let them their Leases too dear.
"Forty Thousand Pounds sterling, or near that amount,
"WARREN HASTINGS receiv'd on the public account,
"And I'm going to prove, the receipt of the sum
"Dry'd up the resources for ages to come:
"The Papers and Documents, now in my hands,
"Will prove KELLERAM'S having rented some lands;
"Which lands, upon terms so injurious, were let,
"As to bring the poor Renter extremely in debt:
"This was HASTINGS'S doing, and, in the event,
"The COMPANY suffer'd, by losing some Rent."
Here LAW, (who is skill'd in defence and attack,
And who loves to see ANSTRUTHER sprawled on his back,
Who always a pleasure malevolent feels,
Whenever he trips up a MANAGER'S heels)
Objected to ANSTRUTHER'S document reading,
And thereby put a stop to his rapid proceeding.
He observ'd to their LORDSHIPS, he could not see why
They should read any Papers that did not apply-
He said, he was sure there was no allegation,
To which the said Papers bore any relation;
That the MANAGERS ought not to wander at large,
To seek criminality, not in the Charge.
Then PLUMMY requested their LORDSHIPS would note,
'Twas a consequent circumstance, near or remote.
As the HERO appear'd to be heavily prest,
And, for want of an argument, deeply distrest,
Great EDMUND and CHARLES, when they saw him dismay'd,
Like JUNO and PALLAS, came down to his aid.
A battle ensued, not with Pistols and Swords;
Some DUELS were fought, and the weapons were Words:
Three hours they engag'd, without stopping or staying,
Each other they cut, without killing or slaying.
According to CHARLES, Misdemeanor's a crime,
In proportion to consequence, manner and time:
According to THURLOW, they should not enlarge
The description of Crimes, but go on with the Charge;
And the granting of Leases, for less than they ought,
He consider'd, as making a separate fault,
Which into some ARTICLE, should have been brought.
But CHARLY contended, that all aggravations,
Like PELION on OSSA, should load Allegations;
And that, to establish the truth of one fact,
You should evidence bring of a consequent Act.
Then the CHANCELLOR said-" 'twas unusual to plead,
"Or to answer a Charge that has never been made."
Here EDMUND declar'd-" 'twas improper to draw
"Regulations for MANAGERS, out of the Law;
"That men, who were blest with a liberal mind,
"Could not brook the idea of being confin'd;
"And as HASTINGS'S crimes were not murder or treason,
"He could not discover a shadow of reason
"Why their LORDSHIPS, in mere Misdemeanor, should bind 'em
"From seeking new Charges, where'er they could find 'em;
"And, indeed, I shall think it uncommonly strange,
"If a MANAGER is not permitted to range:
"Restriction, My LORDS, would our energy damp,
"And our tongues would he hurt, by a fit of the Cramp:
"But, My LORDS, I've a reason that forces conviction,
"Why a MANAGER should not lie under restriction.
"I've heard it reported, not many days since,
"That HASTINGS intends to forego his defence;
"For, it seems, an idea has enter'd the head
"Of himself, and some others, that ALL we have said
"Amounts to just nothing, but wasting of time,
"And disbursements of cash, without reason or rhyme:
"But, MY LORDS, I am rather inclin'd to suppose
"That the Pris'ner's afraid of the MANAGER'S blows;
"That the danger of being repeatedly struck,
"Has taught him to dive like a dog-hunted duck: