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Aunt BRIDGET to her Sister MARGARET, Mother of SIMKIN and SIMON.
My dear Sister Maggy, this letter I write
To remind you of one that is out of your sight;
But having no pleasanter tales to relate,
Like SIMKIN, I'll write about matters of state.
You must know, that as SIMKIN would take no denial,
I lately went with him to HASTINGS'S Trial;
And indeed, I must own, I was highly delighted,
Without, as before, being dreadfully frighted:
You have oft heard me say, I should never forgive
The ORATOR, EDMUND, as long as I live;
I thought him a wretch, of ideas unclean,
Of libidinous fancy, and language obscene;
If I heard any person but mention his name,
The remembrance of Cantemar fill'd me with shame:
That wicked young fellow, whose Mother's delight
Was to lead to his chamber some present each night.
Howe'er, my dear MAGGY, the last day I went,
Great part of the time was agreeably spent;
But what above all did my wonder engage,
Is EDMUND'S attention to Ladies in AGE.
Ev'ry man that you meet with, makes use of his tongue
In praise and behalf of a LADY that's young;
But EDMUND, than others more generous and bold,
Is fond of protecting the DAMES that are old.
Oh! when EDMUND dies, how the Ladies will miss him,
And I think, while he lives, the old women should kiss him!
He has made an impression so deep in my breast,
That if his OLD WOMAN were settled at rest,
And BURKE were to offer, I could not withstand
The temptation of taking him fast by the hand.
And as his finances are not very great,
He might like to partake of his BRIDGET'S Estate.
How often together we'd walk on the mountains,
Sit down on the rocks, and drink out of the fountains!
There EDMUND would make a most elegant farmer,
And at times make ORATIONS to me, as his charmer:
Oh! how the Welch Squires after dinner would sit
And admire, like the bottle, the ORATOR'S wit.
When EDMUND is speaking, my soul so rejoices
In the accent attending that sweetest of voices;
It puts me in mind of that good-natur'd Paddy
Who liv'd as a footman, you know, with our Daddy,
And us'd to divert us with comical scenes,
When you and I, MARGARET, were in our teens.
When the LORDS were assembled, and BURKE began speaking,
I observ'd many NOBLES with laughter were shaking;
For so pleasant is he, that he cannot "fateague 'em,"
Tho' he spoke for a twelvemonth concerning the *BHEAGUM."
But I am not less charm'd with the ORATOR'S figure,
Whose size and appearance make promise of vigour.
Tho' some people say, that this is not a truth,
For his powers, like a Serpent's, all lie in his mouth;
But be this as it may, all the cash in my purse,
I would give to possess him, "for better and worse."
I now have to add, when their LORDSHIPS adjourn'd,
To LILLY LLANSLUFFIN'S your sister return'd;
There I found Mrs. WELLS, who, for new Imitations,
Might challenge with safety all COUNTRIES and NATIONS.
With resemblance surprising, she imitates all
The SPEAKERS that figure in WESTMINSTER HALL.
When, like FOX, I observe her all veh'ment to speak,
She has got to the life-his rat tat and his squeak.
When she imitates EDMUND, the Irishman's tone
Is so like, that you'd swear 'twas the ORATOR'S own;
To his mode of pronouncing surprisingly true,
When she speaks of the BHEAGUM and CANTABAH BHOO;
And when she's repeating what ANSTRUTHER said,
You have SATURN before you, the father of lead.
Then all of a sudden she changes the play,
And shews her white teeth, as politely as GRAY.
When reading, like ERSKINE, she rises and drops,
And is equally careful in minding her stops:
There is not one Speaker, as far as I find,
Save only the Clerk, who can leave her behind;
But what will surprise you still more than the rest,
-And I solemnly tell you it is not a jest -
She wrote twenty lines, and I stood by the while,
Exactly in SIMKIN'S own manner and style:
And as SIMKIN acknowledg'd he could not write better,
He stole them to fill up a space in his Letter.
The people who heard her, are led to suppose
That as soon as the Trial shall draw to a close,
*We suppose Aunt Bridget is in love with Burke's melodious pronunciation of Bheagum.
She'll exhibit her CHARACTERS all on the Stage-
Where she never can fail to amuse and engage.
One proof of her merit, must all people strike,
Which is, vulgar Papers express their dislike.
Till CHARACTER rises in fame and renown,
ENVY'S never employ'd in the pulling it down. -
And now, my Dear MAGGY, no more will I write,
As I'm going to RANELAGH this very night.
BRIDGET.
World 9 July 1. 1789.
SIMKIN.
FORTUNATE are the MANAGERS that can boast such an Historian - who can make a good Day from no materials whatever! But not less fortunate is the LADY praised below, who unconscious, and at a distance, knows not the FAME she receives.
SIMKIN to his Dear Brother SIMON in Wales.
LAST WEDNESDAY, dear BROTHER, I went to the HALL,
But, as matters turned out, for just nothing at all.
For indeed, you must know, in the scriptural way,
"The beginning and end made the whole of the day."
But some Metaphysical People pretend
That it had no beginning, and yet had an END.
This point I must leave to your EDMUND and FOXES,
Who can easily make and expound paradoxes.
To speak in plain terms - it came out as expected,
That evidence offer'd was also rejected.
Then a motion was made by a dignify'd PEER,
That the JUDGES of ENGLAND be ask'd to declare,
From what principle or what construction of LAW
This decided opinion they learnedly draw?
That moment the CHANCELLOR mov'd to adjourn,
And back to their CHAMBER their LORDSHIPS return.
'Twas expected, that BURKE would have made an attack,
But the Lords for some cause did not choose to come back:
Perhaps they were weary of bowing and scraping,
And so seiz'd the occasion at once of escaping:
But BURKE means it well - as a CURE for the GOUT:
And makes them-as Physic - go in and go out.
But those LORDS, who like BURKE, are ambitious of soaring,
And of heights unattain'd have a zeal for exploring,
Or wish for a ride in LUNARDI'S Balloon,
To visit the man who inhabits the Moon:
Those LORDS to whose lot such high qualities fall,
Like me, have their BONUM in WESTMINSTER HALL.
But to shew you, Dear SIMON, in what estimation
All classes of people hold EDMUND'S oration;
To what Countries far distant his glory is spread,
Wherever the WORLD and my Letters are read -
From DUBLIN, dear DUBLIN, ten Citizens came,
From WATERFORD six, CARRICKFERGUS the same,
From LIMERICK seven, and nearly as many
From the town and the country surrounding KILKENNY;
From the Highlands of SCOTLAND the Lairds and the Thanes,
From SKY the M'DONALDS, from MULL the M'LEANS,
Are expected in town in the course of the week -
For once in their lives to hear eloquence speak.
The Gallery tickets were in such demand,
And promises given so long beforehand,
That Wednesday, MISS BRIDGET, our delicate Aunt,
For want of a ticket was stopt in her jaunt:
She, who long was accustom'd to purr like a CAT,
To find fault with this - to be angry with that;
Is now so affected, so smitten with love,
That she cooes to herself, like a mate-seeking dove.
Whether waking or sleeping, or sitting or walking,
Of BURKE and IMPEACHMENTS, she's constantly talking.
And it is my opinion, I give you my honour,-
She will die, unless EDMUND has pity upon her.
The Gallery Strangers, who come from afar,
Who had never heard EDMUND declaim at the BAR;
Whose minds were inflated with high expectation
Of hearing the ORATOR make an oration;
With faces extended with grief and with shame,
All went to their lodgings as wise as they came.
I consol'd them by saying they need not be vext,
As BURKE'S to harangue us at Meeting the next.
And as he by accident rested so long,
His fancy and tongue will be lively and strong;
And CHARLES, who is said to have came from a flaw
On a GODDESS, begot by a DOCTOR of LAW;
Who a long time has study'd each Specie and Genus
Of Laws in the Courts and the Temple of VENUS;
And SHERIDAN too, it is thought will unbridle,
Or they'll lose all their fame by remaining so idle.