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[Page 71]
The Transport Times.
A Journal of Military and Maritime Sport, News and the Stage.
Printed and published on Board.
Unregistered at the G.P.O. for transmission to any part of the World.
No. 10,001. June 14th, 1914. Price Threepence
By Way of Intro.
On a certain wild night when not a few of our gallant Cornstalks were leaning over the ship's side gazing dejectedly into the glassy waters below, certain disreputable members of the 'Inky Way' (who, even at sea, are not given to feeding anyone but themselves) were devising a scheme, the outcome of which is this little paper.
Lamentations over the vogue of staidness in present-day journalism, is not likely to produce an era of originality, so being of a reckless turn of mind, we intend each week to present to the reader the several phases of the ship's life that we think may interest him; and if the matter we offer is incondite and couched in unconventional terms, it will at least have the saving grace of originality. The publishers aim at the whimsical, and shall shun the drab as we would the importunities of a creditor.
Having made special arrangements which our worthy contemporary the London 'Times', we shall be able to keep our readers in close touch with the more important theatres of war.
We are on grim business, so it behoves us to be merry and look through rose-coloured glasses. The illusion will then be complete. While life lives, let us leave the tragic till, being abreast of it, we are unable to see it. S.O.
War News
By Special Arrangment with the London 'Times.'
Australian Wins V.C.
Renewed Activity on Western Front.
London, Sunday, June 12th.
On the night of the 30th we were greatly troubled by showers of sausages fired from a new type of trench mortar. This latest phase of frightfulness goes to show that the enemies' supply of ammunition is running out. Colonel Pompous of the 'Wooloomooloo Contingent,' called for a volunteer to go out and capture the gun. 'Darky' Jones offered himself, and armed with a unique vocabulary of swear-words typically Australian, he made a dash for the German trench. Arrived there, he cheese-knifed 120 and chased the remaining 1000 into the surrounding woods. He captured 3 bags of Iron Crosses which a prisoner informed us, were to have been distributed the following day to make up for the shortage of lager. During the week-end Jones recieved word that his gallant action had been brought before the King, who had had much pleasure in conferring on him the V.C. Later the same night, the Colonel presented him with a delightful little manicure set. In thanking the Colonel, Jones remarked, 'Thanks, Pompy, old boy. I reckon that little episode uv mine'll be worth a column or two in the Sydney 'World's News,' and gee won't the tarts gimme a swell time when we 'it sunny Australian again!'