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[Page 4]
would not fall in our vicinity. I wonder if any made comparisons!
My thoughts wondered over all the incidents of the previous 3 weeks, and my innermost feelings during times of danger, and I felt satisfied when I thought of my resolution to keep from everybody in the new battalion to which I had been transferred the knowledge that I had already been a N.C.O and of holding back when there was a call for them. It was not funk, I assure you, but a feeling that it was right to see how I would act under fire, and if I would be worthy of leading men.
Most of these men had been under heavy fire and I had not. How ashamed I would have felt if I had shown myself more nervous than they! Honestly, I was very dubious about myself. I was apprehensive that I might break up under the strain and horror of war. I was too painfully aware of my horror of seeing death and mutilation of all kinds. I shrink naturally from such things, but War changes that (providentially) and I felt only sorrow, later when handling the poor remnants of mortality that it was necessary to do; and could gaze almost dispassionately on the scattered heaps of death, - Friend and Enemy mixed, but oh, it was sad!
Reviewing the little incidents, I cannot get it right how some N.C.Os. have the nerve to take charge of men, knowing they had not the courage of most of their men. I have seen some desert their section paralysed with nervousness or fear.
Recently I described joining up the new battalion which I was transferred to at Armentierres [Armentieres] and of our rest in billets previous to our journey to the Somme. The first day of shifting we marched some 8 or 9 miles to entrain at Bailleul. That was a grinding march. Some of the French roads in the flat countries are paved with cobble stones, which are very rough to walk on. Experiment with 100 lbs sack of flour by carrying it a few hundred yards, slung on your back and you'll soon have some idea of the galling strain, and weight of modern equipment. Only a spare set of underclothing and spare boots (if you have them) are carried in the clothing line. Then there are your blanket
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