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His messmate tried it with such success that he fell forward on the deck & barked his nose. The captain happened to be passing at the time & put it down to skylarking whilst undergoing punishment. "Well", said the MAA ruefully, "I had to give an explanation & got an extra 7 days. But he was a Tartar, Sir," he added. "He had a dog, one o'these fluffy little beggars with a tuft on the end of his tail. One day someone painted a red patch on one of his buttocks & a green one on the other & painted the tuft white. The cap'n was taking his night-cap (he was strong on the drink, Sir) when in walked his dog. "Good G___ A___ whats up with you", he snorted; then he rang his bell. "Send my coxs'n to me", to the messenger. The coxs'n appeared. "What the devil's happened to my dog", said the Captain. The coxs'n grinned. "Beggin' yer pardon, Sir," he said, "he's got 'is steamin' lights on, Sir." "Steaming lights be damned", he cried, "Tell the first lieutenant to come here".
"Mr J___", he said, "what's the meaning of this", pointing to the dog. The first Lieut. was mighty tickled. The Cap'n stormed. He had all the crew fell in, Sir, and came on deck with two pistols. "Mr J___", he said, "I resign command of this ship to you". Turning to the crew he said, "I am now a man the same as the rest of you, if the man that disfigured my dog is worth his salt let him take one of these pistols & I'll take the other, & when Mr J___ says "Three" we turn & fire". He walked forward & left one of the pistols on the skylight. No one moved. "Alright", he said coming back, "bring the dog here". It was brought; he took aim & fired killing the dog outright. Turning to the crew again he said, "Any man on this ship who has a pet of any description must shoot it tonight or I'll have him in irons". And every d___ dog & cat on that ship was killed, Sir; My G__, but he was a Tartar". This seems a bit far fetched but the MAA declares it to be true.